October 05, 2004
OMG! They Forgot Wales!
I'm sure you have heard this, but as far as the Eurostat Statistics Compendium 2004, is concerned, it doesn't exist. On the cover, anyway! Spokeman have said they don't know where the map came from as the cover was not produced by them, but wondered where you would get a Wales-less map anyway! And this book costs fifty Euros! Considering how worried I am that people might notice that that little bit of coastline or island on Noid is not always the same exact shape, you would think they might have been a little more concerned with the proofreading...
News item at BBC News...
Posted by Badgers at 06:04 PM | Comments (0)
March 28, 2004
Cliches
The Plain English Campaign are at it again! Cliches are the new target, and 'at the end of the day' has been voted the most annoying cliche of all!
Others include 'its not rocket science', 'ballpark figure', 'pushing the envelope' and 'address the issue'. Oddly, 'head them off at the pass' wasn't included!
Link to the Plain English site here.
Posted by Badgers at 09:46 AM | Comments (0)
Brain Surgeon Suspended For Wanting More Soup
A brain surgeon in Nottingham has been suspended on full pay for taking a bowl of soup without paying. Dr Terence Hope was suspended, and now reinstated after the theft. Overkill, or what?
Of course, at £80,000 a year, he could surely afford to have paid for it... or had it put on his tab (he's good for it!)
News links here
Posted by Badgers at 09:37 AM | Comments (0)
March 06, 2004
Exhausted
Last week, when we went out for the night out, Nick was happy to tell me how his exhaust had fallen off his 306. Well, not all the exhaust...
Y'see, he had been hearing a funny noise and on stopping found that the middle bit of his exhaust was hanging off and dragging on the road. He took it to a garage who hadn't got the bit needed (!) and he asked if they could tape it up or something. They obviously couldn't, but could take it off for now, until he gets a new exhaust fitted.
Now, Nick feels that the exhaust is fine without this bit - the car goes faster ('because it's lighter' he says) and it is running quieter. I know, I know....
Before James set off on his journey into relationship advice (see above!) he managed to explain that it probably wasn't a very good idea to do this for a long time... I can't remember the details, as it was a night out with alcohol and let's face it, the technical details of cars pass way over my head! As long as mine goes where I want it and can go fast, I don't care. that it should have four wheels and an engine is as much car knowledge as I need, thank you very much!
Sometimes, I wonder why Nick hasn't ended up as a nominee for a Darwin Award...
Posted by Badgers at 01:25 PM | Comments (1)
January 21, 2004
I Got a BOMB!!!!
To be honest, I don't know who is sillier - the girl who joked that she had a bomb in her bag, or the US authorities!
Samantha Marston, a 21 year-old student (figures!!!) told the security people at the airport in Mianmi that she had a bomb. And she was silly enough to do it twice more. Thsi lead to her being clapped in irons and marched to prison wihile looking at weeks or months in prison before her case came up. The US authorities set a bail of £2,700 (a little high, perhaps?) and no doubt considered sending her to Guatanamo Bay to be interrogate. The bail has been delivered by the British Embassy, allowing her to come home, but she will have to return... and no doubt the US will try to get her jailed and have her trailed by the FBI, CIA and probably wetworks teams, just in case.
So did they overreact? Maybe, but they did warn that they would ballistic on anyone who did this... but then, since the US think we are all terrorists in the UK anyway due to the visa problem...
Link to item on BBC site here...
Posted by Badgers at 08:35 PM | Comments (0)
January 08, 2004
Wanna Go To Disneyland?
If so, go NOW! or at least make sure your passport has been issued before 26 October, or else there is a good chance you won't be going! The security-crazy US has now decided that unless your passport has all kinds of futuristic biometric data (retina scans, DNA, samples of hair from your ancestors going back ten generations, sort of thing) you need to pay extra and get a proper Visa.
Not a problem I hear you say?
It wouldn't be, if you didn't need to go down to London on a weekday, stand que at the US Embassy and have an interview! And as this could affect up to 20,000 people a month, this is not going to be good for business! how are they going to get through so many interviews? Will you need to be vetted before you get into the line? After all, you might have a bomb to blow up the embassy (you'll want to after waiting for six hours in the rain with the rest of your family, as you need to be there in person, and get told no because your grandfather was Welsh!)
After stopping BA223 for so long, and the first stage of this new policy (fingerprinting all new arrivals from such rogue states as the UK) I wonder about the Americans... they are rapidly becoming as Rant-worthy as the French... Sure, they don't want terrorists, but didn't they watch season 2 of 24? Some terrorists are American, you know... or maybe there's been too many reruns of Die Hard movies lately? Maybe they think they have enough crazies over there with the National Rifle Association!
Link to BBC story here...
UPDATE: I just spotted this on that page - a link to a story that Brazil is retaliation by doing the same to US citizens, though whether this is in fact related to The Simpsons episode set in Brazil, I don't know... and of course, the French have been anti-immigration for ages...
Posted by Badgers at 07:33 PM | Comments (1)
December 12, 2003
Donald Pulls A Sir Humphrey!
"Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns, there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know we don't know."
With this wonderful speech, US Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld gets the Plain English Campaign's Foot In The Mouth Award 2003... something tells me he learnt to speak english through watching too many reruns of Yes Minister and Yes Prime Minister! This is without doubt the closest speech in real life to something spouted by Sir Humphrey Appleby (Nigel Hawthorne), and he came up with some tongue twisters!
Other notable quotes (sorry, no Bush-isms!) include:
Chris Patten on the Conservative Party - "Having committed political suicide, the Conservative Party is now living to regret it."
Marks & Spencer Roast Chicken Salad had 'Now with roast chicken' on the packaging... what did it have in it before?!?
SMEG (a kitchen appliance manufacturer) came up with this classic in some Dishwasher instructions - "By pressing the relative button of desired program (see table) it will lid up the relative pilot light to confirm that the operation did occurred on the DISPLAY (9) will appear a program duration forecasting ('h.mm')." H.mm indeed!
Jungle.com on whether they sell blank CDs - 'We are currently in the process of consolidating our product range to ensure that the products that we stock are indicative of our brand aspirations. As part of our range consolidation we have also decided to revisit our supplier list and employ a more intelligent system for stock acquisition. As a result of the above certain product lines are now unavailable through jungle.com, whilst potentially remaining available from more mainstream suppliers.' - I guess that's 'no' then?
Hear the quote here (Real Player Needed)
BBC News Article here
The Plain English Campaign (which I have trouble with!) can be found here!
And here is a little non-BBC site on Yes Minister!
Posted by Badgers at 03:04 PM | Comments (0)
November 01, 2003
It's Been A While...
...so here are few random Baka clips for you all...
The Peugeot 206 SW - Why?
What is it with these small estate cars? The 206 SW courtesy car I'm currently driving is bigger than my 206, sure, but it only means it has the boot space (just) of the Saab 900 I had for a month last year... it doesn't seem worth it... what next, a Smart car estate?
Stick Your Nose Out
Why do some people stick half their car out into a country lane to turn left, blocking the road completely, then not pull out when you stop to let them as they are blocking the entire single-track road?!?
I Wanna Be Elected (Please!)
This one might sound obvious to any sane person, but if you want to win a General Election that may be two short years away, it isn't necessarily a good idea to have a vote of confidence in your leader, and then go into what is likely to be another messy leadership battle... The current Labour government in Britain may not be the best ever, but what makes you think the Conservatives will do better? The fact that they were in power for so long before this government,? Or the fact that they have no coherent policies beyond gainsaying everything Labour says (shades of Monty Python perhaps!), and only a short time to actually formulate some policies? Maybe they should just concentrate on coming third behind the Liberal Democrats!
Your Next Prime Minister
One solution to the above might be to get an actor to lead the party, but we don't have many truly British action heroes beyond Sean Connery... or perhaps this is the role Ross Kemp has been waiting for? Personally they'd be far better with Jim Hacker, but maybe that's just me...
And Finally...
This'll put the cat among the pigeons.. I was watching a programme from the US where some stats were given... according to one survey 50% of gamers are now women... but one PC magazine said that their demographic was 95% men and they couldn't understand it... I can! It's obvious, really - look at the computer mags on sale today - most are close to being 'lads' mags, lets face it. Not many women want to pick up Max Power just because they have a fast car, either. Of course, the real reason for more female gamers nowadays isn't the increase in female characters (as was mooted), but simply because the joypads for consoles all vibrate when almost anything happens... Hence more female console gamers than female PC gamers... so of course the readership of the mag will be almost all men! D'oh!
Posted by Badgers at 04:44 PM | Comments (0)
August 29, 2003
Canadian Passports
The Canadian passport story has to be the silliest for a while (though it is serious and probably will spread to other countries).
So, no smiling, gurning, etc. No wigs unless they are always worn, and don't radically change your appearance. An official says that they are willing to accept some photos sent to them already with a little smile. And there is a 'smile amnesty' until early November. Considering most passport photoes, like ID pictures, look like deer caught in headlights anyway... I suppose shocked or corpse-like expressions are fine...
The funniest thing is that it came into force on the 15th August, but the slight power failiure over there meant it didn't go out! T
Of course, this is a gret chance to pop a picture of and Phillip on the entry. Which is a bonus. How'dya like them apples?
News story here from the BBC.
Posted by Badgers at 07:44 PM | Comments (0)
August 21, 2003
A Wrong Number...
My last Baka was about an email message, this one is similar - but about mobile phones! Y'see, mobile phones make it so easy to dial the wrong number... and then, once you've done it wrong again, just keep doing it over and over again...
My works mobile has a fairly memorable number (I can't remember what it is, but I don't need to know it, and with my current dyslexia problems, its precisely 10 numbers too long for me to remember anyway!) but it must be similar to hundreds of others... and so far I've had three sets of wrong numbers...
The first was soon after getting it a few months ago. A telephone message that called off a meeting in a place that was being used by the British National Party for a meeting that same night. Considering Burnley is virtually BNP Central nowadays...
The next was while I was on leave - I turned on my phone as I got back to work to get three messages on the 121 service from Housing Services in Everton (or somewhere Liverpool-ish) about calling them ASAP as they had a flat ready...
But today has been the biggy. I turned on the phone and two text messages pop up - one about ordering a four pack of 'tabs', another about calling them ASAP (about the 'tabs') and then a phone message later saying that he got the message (not from me!) but his phone was off (!) and to call again. Of all the wrong numbers this has been the most interesting - and worrying - it's like having a drug dealer's phone ('cos I doubt its Tab Cola that is being talked about!).
Looks like I need to get the number changed...
Posted by Badgers at 06:26 PM | Comments (1)
July 05, 2003
Perhaps he wants Electronics Service Number Sixteen...
...I have the catalogue here somewhere... oops - no silly me, I let the Interossitor I built blow it up didn't I?
Found this today on an old email address I'm checking once in a while. I usually only get crap and emails from Jamius that have gone astray, but once in a while I get something interesting... here's one I received earlier! Feel free to send an answer if you know of a supplier, won't you?
Greetings,
We need a vendor who can offer immediate supply.
I'm offering $5,000 US dollars just for referring a vender which is
(Actually RELIABLE in providing the below equipment) Contact details
of vendor required, including name and phone #. If they turn out to be
reliable in supplying the below equipment I'll immediately pay you
$5,000. We prefer to work with vendor in the Boston/New York area.
1. The mind warper generation 4 Dimensional Warp Generator # 52 4350a
series wrist watch with z60 or better memory adapter. If in stock the
AMD Dimensional Warp Generator module containing the GRC79 induction
motor, two I80200 warp stabilizers, 256GB of SRAM, and two Analog
Devices isolinear modules, This unit also has a menu driven GUI
accessible on the front panel XID display. All in 1 units would be
great if reliable models are available
2. The special 23200 or Acme 5X24 series time transducing capacitor
with built in temporal displacement. Needed with complete
jumper/auxiliary system
3. A reliable crystal Ionizor with unlimited memory backup.
If your vendor turns out to be reliable, I owe you $5,000.
Email his details to me at: info@federalfundingprogram.com
Please do not reply directly back to this email as it will
only be bounced back to you.oqtbnmmygxcw stdzqlwhiy jbelwppex x tgzjr ktbnq
Posted by Badgers at 10:32 PM | Comments (0)
June 10, 2003
David Beckham & Barcelona
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Are Manchester United this desperate for money? Its very doubtful that this will happen, though his playing for Real Madrid isn't as surprising. But we'll ignore that.
Y'see, if Joan Laporta becomes president of Barcalona, he will pay United £30+ million for Beckham... do you have a slight feeling that this is purely political? And what will happen if Laporta wins but David tells him where to stuff it? It certainly looks like he won't be at United this next season... I suppose Burnley woudn't mind getting him, though, especially after last season's performance (and the selling of as many team members as possible)!
But that isn't necessarily the stupid bit. Doing it while David is on holiday and not discussing it with him is... its a little like your boss inviting you into his office, telling you you did good work (here's a raise, etc), then coming back from holiday to find a sack with all your stuff from the desk (minus the paper clips you were stealing to make into a sculpture) sitting at your front door.
Well, apart from the fact that David and Vicky have a little money put by for a rainy day (like when she brings out her next album).
Fans seem to be split, but let's face it, the money will be well spent (!) and the team will go on - true Man U fans won't worry, though they may lose some international fans - after all, it isn't United that advertise chocolate-covered nuts on Japanese TV...
BBC News here
(and I hate football!!!)
Posted by Badgers at 07:27 PM | Comments (1)
June 05, 2003
Just Thinking...
I know this has probably popped up on countless Star Trek sites, but here it goes again.
Y'see, I was thinking about a short story for the site (future scientists discover cricket and get it totally wrong), when something from the background of the story suddenly forced it into my head. And it's really stupid, when you think about it.
Who on earth thought that there should be a way of turning off the safety protocols in a holodeck?!? Why, except in Voyager, would you want the slightest possiblilty that a glitch in the system could cause that holographic bullet to blow a great whole in your spine? Considering the fact that Reg Barclay is so scared of the transporter , why does he spend so much time in a place that seems to be at least a thousand times more dangerous?!?
Or maybe the Xbox2 and PS4 have new peripherals that actually can snap your leg off and beat you to death with it?
Posted by Badgers at 06:09 PM | Comments (0)
May 27, 2003
Like A Bull In A China Shop - Hey Wait A Minute...!
Yes, that IS a bull in a china shop! This is a CCTV image of the bull in GB Antiques and Furnishings in Lancaster, England over the Bank Holiday.
The bull, which was shot after being trapped in one of the showrooms, had escaped while being taken to the local auction, and managed to cause thousands of pounds of damage, and also knocked over a woman, leaving her with a bruised shoulder. Luckily only a few people were in the showrooms at the time as it had only just opened, but it could have been more serious had the bull run into the crowd that would have been in there a few hours later.
The story can be found here.
Posted by Badgers at 05:45 PM | Comments (0)
Ambulance Driver To Be Banned From Driving For Speeding
Now, while this is totally stupid, it is quite serious... y'see, Mike Ferguson was driving a liver from Leeds to Cambridge for an urgent transplant operation when he was clocked as sppeding in two counties. Cambridgshire is not taking action, but Lincolnshire has summoned him to court for doing 104mph in their area on 16 January while on the A1. They say that the CPS don't feel that it was a medical emergency, and will let the court decide.
True, it wasn't a heart, and the recipient wasn't in Lincolnshire. And the car (even with it's lights, etc) doesn't really count as an ambulance. But doesn't this sound just a tad like the dreaded 'more than my job's worth' attitude that councils, etc, have tried to rid themselves of? I just hope no-one in Lincoln Hospital is waiting for a heart - it'd have to come second class in the post, just in case the ambulnce driver was slammed in prison for a crime he wasn't actually committing...
Expect me to update this one in the near future.
A BBC report on the story can be found here...
Posted by Badgers at 05:35 PM | Comments (0)
May 25, 2003
Austria? AUSTRIA?!?
Well, last night the UK had its worst ever performance at the Eurovision, but I don't think it was entirely Jemini's fault. Without a doubt, they became the latest victim of the war in Iraq... though singing in tune might have helped!
Big congrats to Turkey though - while the voting was as mad as ever (Cyprus voting top marks to Greece and Turkey, and this vice versa), Every Way That I Can by Sertab Erener is a very catchy song. Not good, you notice, but catchy. Belgum came second with Sanomi by Urban Trad, and Ne Ver, Ne Bojsia (Don't Believe, Don't Be Afraid) by tATu came third. Obviously the people of Europe loved it, thought the anti-Russian feeling in the audience was a little, well, obvious! That may have been due to Latvia's past, or possibly the (shock!) revelation that the girls are not actually lesbians...
But the biggest shock was the success of Austria's Alf Poier who came in 6th with Weil Der Mensch Zählt (Man Is The Measure Of All Things). A curious mix of traditional Austrian leiderhosen folk and rock. The first time I heard it, I laughed more than I did at Weird Al's Ebay song... but it even got votes from the UK. Probably out of sympathy, but I think it got it's place as a protest vote! Just like voting for the Green Party in the Election is usually throwing your vote away, people voted for Alf instead of Jemini! And for Norway too! Jostein Hasselgard came 4th with I'm Not Afraid to Move On... what's up with that?
Don't worry - next year I'll be trying to get Romantic Night put to music in time for Song For Europe... it will have a good chance, especially if we can pull together an I.T. costume for the singer...! I think Robbie Williams could pull it off as a power ballad (I'll slip in some sweary words for the album version!)
In fact, maybe that is what we need - a proper singer rather than a group put together specially - remember when unknowns like Cliff Richard and ABBA used to be entered? Perhaps if Will or Gareth or David had been singing...
For more information visit the BBC Eurovision site here!
Posted by Badgers at 05:41 AM | Comments (0)
May 16, 2003
Damned if You Do...
Imagine you are a government. people harangue you because you don't close all airways and tell everyone not to go somewhere that might (just might) have a possibility of a disease/terrorist activity/war.
Then, one day you decide to say 'sod it' and say 'Okay, there might be something going to happen in Kenya, so don't go there - oh - and we are stopping all flights going there & coming back, for good measure'. You just know that people are going to harangue you about it.
Of course, you have 'positive information', but lets face it - this is as much vapourware as the 'weapons of mass destruction' are, as far as most people on the street know.
Still, there's enough stupidity to go round, it seems...
Posted by Badgers at 06:01 PM | Comments (0)
March 20, 2003
The Dixie Chicks
Okay, so it may not have been the cleverest things to say bad things about Bush Jr at the moment, so that lots of perfectly sane Americans* burn their CDs... but I have heard that the US Military was pushing their song 'Traveling Soldier' as a patriotic song... its about a soldier going off to Vietnam who doesn't come back... yeah, that'll give the lads a boost!
Expect much more stupidity to come!
* There must be some...
Posted by Badgers at 04:57 PM | Comments (1)
March 08, 2003
A Little Test
Received this in my email - its silly, but it seems to be true...
> Quick Eye Exam...
>
> This will blow your mind...!
> Just do it - don't cheat!!!!!!!!!!!!
> Try this its actually quite good.
>
> But don't cheat!
>
> Count the number of F's in the following text:
>
> FINISHED FILES ARE THE
> RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC
> STUDY COMBINED WITH THE
> EXPERIENCE OF YEARS
>
> Managed it?
>
> Scroll down only after you have counted them!
>
>
>
>
>
>
> OK?
>
>
>
>
>
>
> How many?
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Three?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Wrong, there are six - no joke!
>
>
>
>
> Read again!
>
>
>
> FINISHED FILES ARE THE
> RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC
> STUDY COMBINED WITH THE
> EXPERIENCE OF YEARS
>
>
>
> The reasoning is further down...
>
> The brain cannot process the word "OF".
>
>
> Incredible or what?
>
> Anyone who counts all six F's on the first go is a genius
> Three is normal.
I'm guessing that its partly because 'of' is pronounced 'ov' (unless you have a bad german accent like Andy when he's playing Day Of Defeat or something involving Omaha beach!).
Posted by Badgers at 05:39 AM | Comments (0)
March 01, 2003
Idiots!
Heres something that has appeared over at Newgrounds - a series of slideshows of silly signs, similar to the dreaded All Your Base... phenomenon, but many of the pictures (if not all - sorry but some do look a little doctored, but it might be the compression) are real, and quite funny! The author, egaMhcrA has called it a day at 5 episodes, but this, like AYB, may continue and grow a life of it's own... Heck, I'm doing a page about idiotic stuff somewhere round here, if only I could find where Moveable Type is putting it...!
See the First episode at Newgrounds - Go to the Portal and then search for 'idiots!'
Posted by Badgers at 01:57 PM | Comments (0)
February 28, 2003
You Can't Park There, Mate, It's A Bus Stop!
No confirmation on this yet, but apparently an urban legend has come true. In a moment of Trigger Happy TV-like madness, a traffic warden put a parking ticket on a bus in Manchester city centre while it was stopped to pick up passengers. The fine has been stopped, and the warden given 'appropriate' training.
I'll bet the driver was looking round for cameras...
Update: I've got confirmation, courtesty of The Independent! It was a Number 77 bus in Lever Street, Manchester, for those interested in buses!
More Information available at The Independent
Posted by Badgers at 05:20 PM | Comments (0)
Vintage Car Gets Congestion Charge Fine...
Oh boy... heres a good one to start with. A vintage car (a Daimler, registration Y99) has been given a fine under London's new congestion charge. It hasn't been driven since 1947, and has been sitting in Bristol Industrial Museum for 25 years... In Bristol. It certainly wasn't anywhere near Elephant & Castle on 17 February... The museum must send photos of the car as proof as photos were taken by the system. I think there should be no problem in being let off, what do you think? And guess what? A computer glitch was blamed, possibly due to dirt on number plates or the camera. Hmm. Anata wa Baka!!!
More information available at BBC News
Posted by Badgers at 05:13 PM | Comments (0)