Steve Newton

April 16, 2005

David Tennant Is The Tenth Doctor!

This is good news - now he just has to hag around for more than just the Christmas Special and the series that follows it...! Good luck David - at least you have an idea of what to expect being 'one of us'!

Posted by Badgers at 12:04 AM | Comments (2)

December 30, 2004

2004 : Games

A great year for games, with Burnout 3 and Halo 2 hitting the Xbox, Splinter Cell 2 across formats and others. The big console winner was of course GTA: San Andreas, which is stunning on the PS2, but we PC owners have to wait a while longer... but it does mean ours will be even better!

Of course, my main area is PC games, so let's see...

The first big FPS of the year was Far Cry, which was the first 'next gen' shooter on the shelves. With it's huge outdoor levels, and the brilliant way you could use Rambo-style running and shooting (worked most of the time when Nick played it) or stealth (my way) to get through them depending how you felt (not to mention cool AI and nice physics) make this a damn good game. The ending, though was a let down, though there will no doubt be a sequel that wil fix that little 'bug'!

More outdoor battling in the lacklustre Battlefield Vietnam, with it's anemic jungles (a far cry from those in Far Cry!) not quite making the same splash as the original game. Next Year's Battlefield 2 looks much better... Novalogic did find the BHD community up in arms about the problems in the excellent Joint Operations: Typhoon Rising and it's expansion pack. Some people wanted it to be just like Black Hawk Down (a game I didn't really rate), but it is a different game. The jungles are are least full of trees, and playing on a 150 player server vcan be a fantastic experience - or at least it is when they manages to stop every map becoming a sniper-fest! Currently my online game of choice, JO rocks. It has certainly taken up too much of my time... A shout out to Hellisha, Ladysniff, and other people who I sometimes shoot, and who often shoot me!

The big game earlier this year was, of course, the long awaited Doom 3 - after the demo that was leaked, everyone was excited. And it didn't disapoint that much! The graphics were something else, way beyond almost eany other game - it was just a shame you couldn't see them due to the game being played in the darkness! A brave move, and one that did make you pop to the shops for a new pair of pants, but oone that alienated many gamers. A good game, but flawed.

And unfortunately a game that was almost immediately lost in the shadow of the next big game. One that had been started again from scratch after the code was leaked a year or so earlier. Yes, it is time to look at the game of the year as far as I'm concerned - Half Life 2! Wow. Another game with incredible graphics, and that manages to make you cack your kecks. Only there is so much more to HL2 - great weapons (the Gravity Gun makes the BFG look sad, especially later!), fun multiplayer when it was patched, and of course Counterstrike. The modeling on the 'normal' NPS is good, but the main character NPC (Barney, Alyx, etc) is stunning - you can almost see them thinking and showing emotion. Stunning. And then there are the mods that are coming along... even when you finish the game, it isn't over yet!

The Sims 2 arrived and proved better than it's predecessor - shame it tends to crash on my PC when people turn up to greet my new family. Los of fun to be had, though especially when you wall them in with a TV and no loo...

One game that appeared and has taken up spare time is Sid Mier's Pirates - a remake of the old C64 game, but done in the right way. With trading, firing broadsides at ships, finding treasure, swordfighting and even dance, this game has it all, and it is lots of fun! Possibly my secoond favourite game after HL2...

This has been the year that there has been a massive explosion in MMORPGs. I spent a while playing Star Wars Galaxies but while I enjoyed it, the incredible lag that started after a major patch and the fact that it took so long to actually build your character to reach a goal (Andrew worked hard with his Wookie chef, and enjoyed it, though he has moved onto Everquest II now) drew me away to other stuff. I did enjoy playing in the beta for Guild Wars, which is more like a massive online version of Dungeon Siege (which is far from a bad thing) and the beta for Knight Online (fun, especially when James joins and goes off to beat up a huge monster that my character would at least have to think about and just falls over dead!). Maybe I prefer to work alone (even in JO I tend to work alone on defence or sniper-hunting) and MMORPGs don't quite work for me. Or perhaps I like to get out of the house unlike some people I know...!

I won't go into the bad games, but some of the disappointments (apart from BF:V) include Men Of Valor (Vietnam 'action' by some of the team who did Call Of Duty - how did it go wrong?), Star Wars Battlefront (Lucasarts' decision to focus on Star Wars games and not finish Sam& Max 2 (Die Lucasarts Die!) paid dividends on this Battlefield ripoff with bad AI but lovely graphics), and Soldner. The demo was stunning for this game, but the game itself was a disaster.

Next Year? Well, a new Rainbow Six game, Battlefront 2 (it has to be better based on the videos) and hopefully the next Operation Flashpoint... Well, that's the shooters sorted then!

Posted by Badgers at 06:55 PM | Comments (0)

December 29, 2004

2004 : TV & Movies

Well, it's been a topsy-turvy year with some good stuff, and some bad stuff. Let's start with TV... though the fact I don't watch that much means some of the items wil be a little short!

Reality television can be good. Really. Take Big Brother - tired format, but still managing to get lots of people watching all day on E4 to see if they can see a nipple before the watershed. Of course, while I managed not to watch much of this year's series, it was livened up no end by the contestants staging protests, mowing the lawns naked, having a major riot in the house, having people who hate the others, etc. Next year, add chainsaws, please... then we won't have to face the inevitable single by the winner (I didn't mention Nadia's single yesterday, mainly because it is so bad that O-Zone sound better - and that's saying something!). I'm A Celebrity tried something similar too, with added Jacobs munching and mental breakdowns. Thankfully I missed all of that.

Not so X Factor and Strictly Come Dancing - the latter is just pure class, but the former... well, it was fun watching the auditions... Other interesting reality shows (for me at least) were Property Ladder (always fun for two reasons - Sarah Beeny and the sheer delight in watching someone 'develop' a house to sell it and spending way too much on a kitchen and forgetting to fix the roof so water leaks in) and a programme on a week or two ago that I can't remember the name of that followed the local police as they rounded up varous villains in the area I live (like in the next street!).

Lots of good comedy though - Nighty Night (the darkest comedy this side of - well everything!), season four of Coupling, the insane Green Wing and the brilliant Garth Marenghi's Darkplace (I mean, could you watch Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital with a straight face after that?). Also we saw the end of Friends and Frasier. Only one will be mourned by me (though both had terribly slow bits in the middle seasons when they looked for sharks to jump)

In drama, 24 got going after a slow start to become compulsive viewing, and The West Wing stayed good despite behind the scenes changes (shame I missed the first episodes of the season due to Big Brother taking over the E4 schedules so no repeats!). The year brought some great stuff to a premature end, and gave us some other good stuff. Carnivale arrived and proved that the US can make series which make you think and are intelligent, even if they confuse the hell out of you. Equally as stunning is the new Battlestar Galactica - forget the old series - this is something new, and bold.

The big shock was of course the cancellation of Angel a season early, though it has to be said that Joss Whedon's build up and final episode were just a masterclass in brilliance! From puppet versions of Angel to the his final line, it was just too good for words. A far cry from the finale of Buffy a year earlier! A pox on those who cancelled it! At least Farscape is back with Peacekeeper Wars...! Another shock was the cancellation of the enjoyable Jake 2.0, which as far as I can tell was for no good reason, unless it cost too much (the main reason that the excellent Odyssey 5 was cancelled the year before).

Some existing shows survived the cull, though. Stargate SG1 gave birth to a spinoff (that was much better than the dreadful cartoon Infinity) in the form of Atlantis. And both are now confirmed for the new season... will SG-1 ever end? Enterprise returned and managed to pull itself together (despite some episodes that would have made Voyager cringe), especially when Manny Coto (creator of Odyssey 5!) came aboard towards the end of the season - season for sounds much more like it thanks to him, though the remixed title theme sucks worse than the original!

Of course, in TV there is only one big bit of news this year (besides the announcement of Peacekeeper Wars!), and that was Doctor Who. I know it was announced in 2003, but it is this year that the series went into production, and it caught the attention of the public - I can't wait to see Eccles in the role! Really, I can't!!! And the dalek looks great!!!

Pah - enough TV rubbish - movies now...! Bad stuff included Van Helsing (sorry James!) with it's ropey CGI (this year's LXG!), Troy (overblown but underwhelming), Aliens vs Predator (what have they done?), and of course Thunderbirds. My God, whatever were they thinking? Well, I can see what they were thinking - it was a kids series - here, take a look at (the horrific remixed) Turbo Charged Thunderbirds from the mid '90s and tried to make a movie of that. What is the betting that Frame Store were told to 'speed up the ships - they are to damned slow'? At least the designs of the ships were cool...

Good stuff? Hellboy, Spiderman 2 (of course), Shaun Of The Dead and not too much else. Well, I could mention LOTR: Return Of The King... Next year seems much better though...

2005 will see a flood of superhero and comic movies, many of them looking good... Fantastic Four looks like it will be fun, and Batman Begins looks superb. Filming starts on the next Superman film any time now, but the big ones are out there and waiting to pounce... Obviously, there is Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith which, going by the trailer, is going to be stunning. Serenity should be good too (another insane TV cancellation) - can George bugger it up again? But for me, the big movie I'm waitng for is Sin City. Again, going by the trailer, this is going to be incredible - black and white with CG and spot colours to make it look as much like the classic comics by Frank Miller as possible. I know I'll be visiting the cinema in 2005...!

Posted by Badgers at 06:17 PM | Comments (2)

December 28, 2004

2004: Music

Now, I am not a follower of the charts. Most pop music passes me by and only surfaces on the odd times that I'm on a night out. But since I got cable I find myself doing stuff with The Box or some other channel on the TV to provide some background. Between this and listening to Radio 2 I seem to be hearing a lot. And much of it is still crap!

Lets get Eurovision out of the way. We didn't do well. Decent song - check. Likable entrant in James Fox - check. Production on the night - um - no. Here's a plan - this year the UK gets a good singer, a good song (my own 'Romantic Night' is still available!) and do more than stick the poor singer on the stage playing his guitar all alone. 'Wild Horses' won for various reasons, not all of them being the Baltic states voting 10 for each other! Get it sorted this year!!!

One big thing this year has been the sample. Take one from any old song, preferably something from the '80s and then wibble it a bit before adding drums, synth and whatever else you have in your copy of Dance E-Jay and you have yourself a hit. Especially if you have a video full of girls in leotards. Yes, that Eric Prydz video. I'll admit the first couple of times I didn't mind it, but then the fiddling with the Steve Winwood sample began to hurt my head and the video got on my nerves. A lot. Which was a shame, considering it was on every five songs! It isn't the only one, but while late in the year United Nations did the same trick with 'Out Of Time', it works better for me - I like the song (gasp!) and the video is better (probably as although the girls are hot, they are not - so to speak - in your face!)

Censorship on the music channels seems to have grown though. I can understand playing an Eminem song and removing the naughty words, but it really messes up some songs/videos. Take '' by . Cutting 'all the shit that you do' both on the song and the backing really jars. Yet sometimes 'shit' gets through (Good Charlotte and Green Day seem to survive) and even f-words. What really got me is that despite being owned by the same company, different channels edit in different ways. I was happily listening to Maroon 5 and 'This Love' and I was totally not offended by the line 'keep her coming every night'. Someone certainly was, as that and another line were edited on another channel. Yet the videos were not. Take Christina Milian's 'Dip It Low' or the dreaded Khia version of 'My Neck...'. Neither of them have actual swear words in the songs, but come on - the videos? And what are they singing about? Well, we all know the proper words to that song...

Oh, how many more songs are gonna have about sex? Admittedly, they are not anything new (listen to a classic like 'Chain Reaction' and think about it carefully - 'let me hold you for the first explosion' right... - naughty Gibb brothers!), but the number of songs that are explaining the ways of good sex to our children is scary! Waht are thery - songs or the latest edition of The Good Sex Guide? Nelly and Christina have one of the more innocent ones with 'Tilt Your Head Back', which is scary!

Other bad things (though some are so bad they are good) include the novelty songs - not the usual ones we have at this time of year - like O-Zone and that song. Las Ketchup I could stand (the girls were cute) but this? In one word - WTF?!? And 'Chocolate' was almost as bad (though the video was fun). And as for Goldie Looking Chain...

There must be some good bits in music (besides Blue 'not breaking up, just taking break' and Bryan McFadden getting out of Westlife just in time - I mean, 'Let Us Be Frank'?!?) Well yeah.

Well for a start, Dido's songs were not played to death (I like Dido and her songs, but last year she got played to death - this year it seems to be Maroon 5 who are getting this treatment, though they still seem to be good on the umpteenth listen). New acts I kinda like include the teenager Jojo (I mean - where the hell does that voice come from?!? Incredible!) though her second song took a little time to grow on me. Natasha Beddingfield kinda does it for me - good, catchy songs and a whole lot sexier than her brother! The fact that Radio 2 kept playing the 'bullshit dinners' version of 'Real To Me' by Brian McFadden was fun - see censorship above! And Kylie is going to places that are just too scary - I mean, working with the Scissor Sisters? Holy Moley! Eminem is back on his own (the only ones he did with D12 this year that I liked was 'My Band' and 'How Come') and hasn't dropped the ball yet - 'Mosh', while it hit the UK too late, was one of the best anti-Bush songs ever (and that is saying a lot!) with a stunning video. Though his 'Just Lose It' was stunning - he is always fun when he is laughing at himself... One thing that surprised me is that Will Young is actually sounding decent. Maybe I'm just getting old. I mean, I like 'dad-rock' like Keane, Maroon 5 and stuff. Run. Away. Now.

One thing I noticed is that this year Ayumi Hamasaki (to switch onto good music!) has been quite quiet - not for her the huge flurry of albums, singles and remixes this year. Still, her latest album is another good one, and boy does she deserve a break. Good stuff from BoA and Utada Hikaru too. I have been picking up less and less Jpop music lately though - some just doesn't do it for me. Ah well.

Things that I think wwe will see/hear next year include the phasing out of the word 'ho' as every song written for the last year seems to have had it or a variant, and more songs about sex, but next year it will be more biased towards anal sex - expect to hear about 'tossing the salad' in an attempt to totally corrupt your children! More lines sampled and then drummed up with videos full of near-naked women. Even more videos with cute CG characters (gotta love 'Object Of My Desire' and 'Hungry Eyes'). More rappers doing songs complaining about their love lives/how hard it is to be a rapper/ho they like to be f$cked up the arse!

Hmm - Tomorrow, I'll grump about TV and movies, and why Doctor Who will be the savior of TV!

Posted by Badgers at 09:40 AM | Comments (4)

December 27, 2004

2004: The World

2003 saw the world get to a pretty f$cked up place, and generally, 2004 has just picked up the ball and run with it. Between wars accidents and natural disasters, there have been few good things going on. Here is a very brief and quick look at

Just yesterday the news came in that an earthquake just off the coast od Sumatra caused a tidal wave to sweep across much of Asia, leaving thousands dead and unaccounted for. During the summer the Caribbean and Southern states of the US were hit by hurricane after hurricane. Earlier this year, but on a much smaller scale, the town of Boscastle in Cornwall was hit by floods after torrential rain.

It seems that half the planet is currently declared a disaster area. Of course, not all of this is due to global warming, though the fact that if the Americans do nothing, as they seem to want to, it doesn't matter a jot about what the rest of us do. The weather will become more unstable, and one day we will all find ourselves paddling round in little boats.

Accident-wise, things have not been too rosy, either. Trains derailed in suicide attempts,

War. Oh, yes. If there is one business that has grown in size, it's the business of war. And I fear it will only get worse. Whilst Afghanistan is now starting to reap the benefits of democracy (like record opium yealds!), it is now the turn of Iraq. I can't help thinking that it isn't a good idea to hold elections during a war (and war it still is), but they are going ahead anyway. Of course, pulling out isn't the option some people think it is, as leaving them to clean up the mess we made is just plain wrong. We could just pull out now, but watchy the country fall down and go into a bloody, violent civil war. Actually, I think we will see that happen anyway. If after all this time agreement can't happen in Northern Ireland, Iraq has little or no chance, though I am prepared to be wrong. Add to this the abuses in certain prisons over there, and it's been a good year in the middle east. Maybe there will be something like peace now that Arafat is dead, but I doubt it - until Sharon is out of power, too - maybe then the bulldozers will stop rolling over innocents, and bombs will stop blowing up innocents. Makes me wonder how long Ian Paisley has...

And the next place we will invade? Well, it looks like Sudan may be off the list, finally, as peace may be about to break out at last. The country has been in turmoil all year, but finally peace talks seem to be getting going. Of course, there is still the humanitarian crisis to deal with, with thousands and thousands forced to leave their homes due to the fighting. And, as evidenced by Bad Aid 20, starvation is still a powerful enemy in Africa.

Politically the world is not in good shape, either. The northern Ireland peace process is collapsing again, Zimbabwe is just laughing at the rest of us (especially the UK), though it may change it's tune if the UK lead a 'police action' in return for the cricket team having to go there. And to top it all off, the election in the USA returned President Bush for another four wars - um - years. Not that Kerry would have been much better.

As I said, the world is, one way or another, pretty f$cked up at the moment. Maybe 2005 will improve, but it will take some serious intervention. And not US-led intervention. Politics in the UK have sucked too.

I loved all the 'sleaze' stuff that has been heading towards the government since Blunkett's resignation over whatever he really resigned for! Most of it coming from the Conservatives (the party with more sleaze in it that Debbie Does Dallas) in a desperate attempt to get votes. Do they really not remember that a former PM (not mentioning John Major's name) was having an affair and bonking someone (not to mention 's name) in the Commons? And that one major politician ended up in prison? And umpteen others quite due to 'sleaze'? A couple in the Labour Government and they think they are a shoe-in. Maybe if they get some policies. Remember how they said once they would stop just saying the opposite of the government? Remember how they soon founf themselves saying 'Oh no it isn't' in best panto style? Well, the 'no promises we can't keep' plan hatched by Howard seems to have gone the same way... the only promise they can make that is likely to happen is that they promise not to be the opposition after the next elections!

Okay - some good things? I can think of three things that excited me this year. The first is the X-prize - no not the X Factor, the spaceship one. Or to be more exact, Spaceship One. who can fail to be impressed by the first private spacecraft to leave the atmosphere? Especially when it looks so cool - like a Flash Gordon rocket ship come to life? Sticking in space, we go to Mars for something amazing - a NASA mission to the red planet that not only succeeded, but succeeded beyond all expectations! The fact that the rovers are alive again and wandering now is just oo impressive for words. A shame about the British Beagle, but it happens - and at least we didn't waste billions and then realise that someone had used the wrong ruler.... Finaly, the Millau Bridge in France. I have got to drive over that sometime, just for the hell of it.

Oh, I must mention the Olympics. We ruled. 'nuff said!

So, just in case, you missed it, the world is a f$cked up place despite a few nice bits. Next year can only get worse.

Next: The Year in Music!!

Posted by Badgers at 07:15 PM | Comments (2)

December 01, 2004

Sorry, Gotta Talk About Work...

...but not too much! Let's just say that between being given the wrong address (the one I had sent me up a farm track), people breaking their doorbells for thew umpteenth time, relatives ringing up asking when I was going to fit the loop system for their father/mother/aunty/whatever when I hadn't even had it allocated to me by my boss until that morning and they hadn't been assessed, and people being sent straight from Audiology with my name and a request for equipment without being referred to me, I am sick of my job. You might have picked that up from previous entries... All this has led me to be in the office for about 5 hours a week (during which I must check emails, make calls, do paperwork, make entries on the computer, plan appointments, stock check, deal with whinging relatives, etc) and the rest spent out and about running here and there till seven o'clock at night or later. I really don't get paid enough for this. At least certain people who think my job is oh-so-easy gets overtime... I'm not even getting travel expenses at the moment. Since my last entry a week and a half ago I have had to go out to people past 6.00pm almost every day, two of them simply as the relatives were whinging. "We must not create an expectation that we will be there instantly" - in other words, I am not an emergency service!!! Want a loop system for your father? Wait in line! My waiting list is over a month (other areas are higher, but I work fairly quickly and a whole lot later than most of the others, and keep handing great chunks off to a colleague in a quiet area to do) so I'm sorry if you don't get it installed the day after you go into Colne Social Services - and don't panic when a big hairy guy arrives at 7pm to do the assessment due at 5.30 - at least it is getting done! Admittedly, I can't help feeling that we will be running out of money - on average people get over £100.00 of equipment, though some get more or less. Tonight I went to an old woman who has been back and forth for ages - didn't want a loop, then did; didn't want phone amp, then did, etc. Now she will be getting a £400.00 pager system for the doorbell and phone on top of all she has. This comes out of your taxes, people! And I also had to go to B&Q to buy a doorbell for the lady who keeps breaking the doorbell and fit it - I won't see that money again. That comes out of my wages. I won't dsay more, as it might get me in big trouble, though hopefully any problems will be after I quit (which may be very soon if nothing changes - finding myself crying in the toilets three times in a fortnight is just not on!)

(Takes a deep breath)

How are you? Better than me, I think! I'll be fine by the weekend, when I'm pulling a double all-nighter to do the comic stuff and work on the kitchen with mum and dad. My plans for Christmas shopping have been scuppered, though, as I was going a week on Stauday, but apparently I'm having my ankle operated on that day! Yes, finally the hospital got in touch and it seems I will be operated on at last, and so have a working ankle again, once the swelling goes down. I can't wait for the doctor to tell me to rest... they tried that with mum, and she didn't. so why should I? In fact, I'm likely to be at work on the Monday, despite various estimates being given to time off (from one to four weeks - yeah right!) Work has to be done, and I refuse to take sick leave (just imagine how happy I am that the op is on a Saturday!). Of course, it means I can't go out over Christmas, but I can live. The fact that my self-imposed ban on going out next year (and beyond, probably) means that is it - I am on the shelf in damaged condition (and out of warranty at 35 from March!). Sorry girls.

At least my car passed it's MOT. Well, the second time... it failed on the headlights not being aligned. WTF?!? Don't look at me... I didn't pay for the second MOT as it was in for a service at the same time, though that did through up a few things, including the most expensive - something to do with a pulley on the camshaft or something. That wasn't the worst bit, though - the worst bit was spending the day in Blackburn! Cold, wet, boring, and nothing much to look at.

I may be in Manchester his weekend, or not - the remainder of my Christmas shopping looks like it may be internet only... Like James' P90 BB gun. Git.

The good news is that I got my second monitor sorted and I now have a new one, though the bad news is that it does have a dead pixel, though it doesn't bother me in Photoshop, as it is the second monitor not the first! Nick and I got Joint Operations: Escalation which is gun, and I have been slightly into Half Life 2. Life away from work has been peachy, really! Ah well. Maybe things will be brighter soon, but I doubt it. At last I'm not depressed enough not to draw the comic again. Just keep me away from sharp objects...

Posted by Badgers at 06:53 PM | Comments (0)

November 24, 2004

You're Using Internet Explorer?!?!?

Y'know, if I go to another website that yells at me for using IE, I will start getting grumpy. Apparently about 96% of net users still use IE. But of course they should be using Firefox. Or Opera. Or anything but Internet Explorer! These sites are basically calling you, their readers, morons!

The reason so many people use IE is that it is free, works (most of the time) and comes with your computer. Most of the people I know have trouble switching to capitals and when they do they tend to forget to turn the CAPS Lock off. These people don't really want to have to work out how to download another browser and install it. The same goes for the other email clients. They want it to work. And not have to faff about to do so.

I tried Firefox, and yes, it works well, with tabbed windows and everything. But most of the sites I went to looked terrible. graphics were broken - you know how some sites build a big picture using little images? Well the images were all sepearted by a pixel so the effect was ruined. My own site was included in this at that point - surely putting a graphic right next to another is not so hard? Or are graphics just for IE and the (terrible) Netscape? Also frames were wrong. I switched back quickly. I still use IE though it is now 'hacked' as I use Advanced Browser, which fiddles with IE and makes it much more stable and does it better. And web pages look right in it. And it has tabbed windows that remember so you can go back next day and click 'back' to look at the Aria Giovanni page you were looking at last night. So ya-boo sucks to you, Firefox. I have to use Outlook (note - not Outlook Express, which really is for morons - at least upgrade to Office goddamnit!) so I can sync to my work network.

Basically, I wouldn't mind if all these elite netheads wouldn't just bugger off - most of it simply seems to be the usual anti-Microsoft ranting anyway. Imagine if Microsoft, in a fit of insanity, stripped Windows of all that funtionality - no more built in media player, etc - and you had to buy everything? Of course, you'd have to buy the software to make your mouse appear on screen, something to copy/paste, a program for looking at your directories... Kinda like my answer to fox hunting (kill every fox in Britain then see what the huntsmen say wehen they complain about not having a livelihood and how the foxes should have been saved from extinction), whale hunting (see fox hunting), or Iraq (gt every soldier and foreign aid worker out than detonate a nuke on an oil field - then issue an ultimatum that every day for the next ten days another nuke will go off, destroying first small towns but quickly working up to a 100 megaton blast at the heart of Baghdad, unless all hostages are released and the country realises that democracy can be a good thing - you can at least elect your dictator!).

Ahem.

The big arguement is that most viruses (to get back to my point!) are written to take advantage of IE. Sure, but what if 96% of the world used Firefox - surely no-one would use a virus on them...? Face it - You are just going to create more juicy targets for enterprising hackers.

Of course, what I really want to say to all these L337 fools is this: You want a stable browser? You want less viruses? Buy a fricking Mac And run Linux on it!!

PS - I would love a Mac for my art - though I would have to get a pirated copy of Photoshop, etc as I can't afford to get those as well as afford a computer that looks like a desklamp!!! See - these fools are the cause of software piracy too!!!

Posted by Badgers at 05:31 PM | Comments (2)

August 23, 2004

Doctor Who: Not Ranting, But Raving

Doctor Who. It's coming back. Its had the leads cast, and filming started about six weeks ago in Cardiff. Considering how I mentioned it often in other rants, why haven't I done anything much about it?

Simple - because I don't want to seem like a fanatic, a rabid, fanboy. Despite the fact that I am! I have daleks as my PC wallpaper! I don't mind admitting that I am totally overexcited at what is in prospect. Chris Ecclestone! Billie Piper! Autons! Daleks, even! What isn't to be excited over?

And the funny thing is, that despite Chris not being the lightest of actors, despite the new costume (leather jacket?!?), despite Billie Piper (thankfully a much better actress than a singer IMHO!), I am much happier about everything that is going on than I ever was with Thunderbirds! I love Thunderbirds as a series, but they basically pitched the movie at the wrong market. Still, it doesn't seem to be too bad really, in the end. The difference with Doctor Who is that it isn't being revision, reimagined or rebooted (unlikje my own I.T. comic strip!!!), it is a continuation from the old series and the TV movie (sorry Richard E Grant - you don't count!), it is being brought screaming into the new century, whuich is what it needed! I just can't wait! I have to, though, but if it does debut in March '05, I'll be happy - what better birthday gift could I have? My fave show comes back! w00t!

So what has brought this out in me? Why do this entry now? Well, I have found myself, after years of getting Doctor Who Magazine and sometimes waiting to get it on Friday (not the Thursday it comes out on), being there early on Thursday looking for any offical information on the series. And now I find myself visiting the BBC Who site for the Spycam images of things to do with the new production, avidly visiting sites to see images from filming (I've seen the Autons! Brilliant!!!!) while avoiding the plot spoilers (of which there are very few - yes you can find lots of images of Billie and Chris rushing around the streets of Cardiff in fake rain, but the bulk of the community is trying to keep things as much a surprise a possible) that lurk for the unwary. I can't help it!

I've also found myself visiting SuperHero Hype regularly to see how filming is progressing on another promising production, Batman Begins... Obviously, I'm not quite so exited here (the new batmobile is like a tank and looks cool - and it can bloody go some too judging by the video shot by fans in Chicago - but I'm more excited by the new TARDIS prop, all battered as it looks - I want a decent picture of it if I can find one). I think it is just something we can't avoid - we want - no - need to know as much as possible! I only hope that the so-far spoiler-free reports can continue (though I'll be gagging for the first shots of the redesigned daleks like everyone else), so that when the show finally debuts (and the second series is greenlighted!) it will still have surprises. I couldn't help reading what was going to happen in 24, but it still annoyed me to read in magazines a month early that certain characters were going to die and then read exactly who it happened - the biggest shock was that the 'stock footage' of F-16s was in fact not stock footage, and was in fact F-18s!!! For the new show to succeed (and boy, the BBC really do want it to from what we are seeing and hearing) we need to be able to watch it, and not know just what is going to happen next - how will it scare the new generation if they know that the dummies are going to jump through that glass window (though they will - it's what Autons best do, after all!) and that pouring rancid milk into their mouths will make them fizzle out and die?

I can't wait. I want to know everything. I want it to be on TV now. But I must wait. And hope that the surprises are there... along with the daleks!

Posted by Badgers at 01:01 PM | Comments (3)

July 06, 2004

Thunderbirds - The Movie (A Rogue Noid Production)

I mentioned this a long time ago, but now the film is with us, and while I like the designs (some hate TB2 but I like it!), I think the film seems to fail on so many levels. It is basically Spy Kids 4. I mentioned that I had a planned script and while I haven't really done much work on it, I'll present it here so people can compare it to the movie! Imagine it with the same designs and cast, and still having Busted oon the end titles if you like...

THUNDERBIRDS - THE MOVIE By Steven Newton

Once the logos for the film companies fade, we are at the launching of a new NASA spacecraft - similar to the planned lifting body design NASA are working on to replace the shuttle. Jeff Tracy is there with the head of NASA who asks him if he will miss all this when he retires (there is a countdown in the background - it reaches zero and up the ship goes). Jeff says he'll find some way to occupy his mind...

OPENING CREDITS using a powerful version of the Gray theme.

Tracy Island - a quick fly by and into the living area - the Tracy family are toasting the birth of International Rescue, with Alan already on TB5. They await the first distress calls as the station comes online. A message comes up from the hangars that there is a problem with TB2 again - Virgil goes down. Scott says that things always go wrong when Brains goes away - usually with the last thing he was fiddling with!

Brains is in England staying with Lady Penelope, as they are to be among the first people to fly on the new Fireflash aircraft - a large, high-speed passenger aircraft that is like a small liner inside.

In the hangar the fault is traced and TB2 is given a last checkover. above Alan calls down - a disaster! (Probably a fire on an oil rig - something underwater, anyway!) The World Navy rescue is on the way, but the IR team are already on the way - TB1 launches first to get there to assess the situation, and TB2 rolls out for takeoff - it looks like the lifting body but a little different as it is not a spacecraft. It launches and heads off to the area itself.

The operation goes well and Thunderbird 4 performs beyond expectations and the Tbirds return to base, while an oriental figure watches the shaky footage on a screen. He smiles. The announcer says that the footage is poor as this 'International Rescue' was on the scene before anyone, and the video comes from a telephoto lense from a few miles away...

(Not a lot of detail in the middle here, I'm afraid - another big disaster that requires the Mole, and a slight glitch in TB2, while the preparations for the first passenger flight of Fireflash 1 go on. Something is placed aboard the plane - something robotic, and spiderlike that starts rewiring and stuff. An engineer leaves the maintanance area and removes his mask it is the oriental guy (who I'm sure you have guessed, is The Hood!) who grins and smiles. Soon, my brother, you will have your part to play - fade to Kyrano!)

The Fireflash launches for its round the world flight! It races across Europe, but begibs o have problems as it goes over the Pacific Ocean - the speed drops, and the plane is barely under the pilots control - we see the spidery thing doing things that the plane responds to - the mayday goes out, and IR respond (aided by Penelope and Brains on the plane). The cool thing here is that they have to come straight from the big second disaster!

(Exact details of the rescue are sketchy, but Fireflash is losing altitude and speed, and the Hood puts out a list of demands to be met... Kyrano is doing things under the influence of The Hood back on Tracy Island. During the operation Thunderbird 1 has to be refuelled (TB2 carries large fuel reserves) and the glitch inTB2 becomes a big glitch, almost buggering up the entire rescue! The glitch has to be fixed and Gordon has to go outside to do it, under the eyes of Brains as they fly alongside the descending Fireflash... The plane is probably rescued by having the two TB craft lifting it under the wings while Gordon goes aboard and finds the spider thing - it is stopped somehow and the damage fudged with Brains help, by Gordon and Parker who clambers down to help!)

The world now knows of International Rescue, and that it can call on them when their expertise can help. As the film/story ends, another call comes in - Thunderbirds are Go!

END TITLES (yes, with Busted if you like!)

Note that my plan doesn't necessarily make it a kiddy movie, but doesn't go for an X certificate - there is lots of stuff for the kids (explosions, cool ships, Busted) and for the adults (the Tbirds themselves again, hunky Tracy boys for the ladies, a nice Lady Penelope for the men (something the movie did get right!) and an explanation of how the Tracys can keep the craft running - there are more support staff below than you realise - though secrecy must be a bugger!) The big disaster is based on a picture I did for a friend at work years ago, with Fireflash down in the ocean - remind me to scan it (it was lost along with the big file with the Dark Tidings poster in a computer crash!)

I mean, it sounds better than a young, high-school Tracy family member getting his mates together (including Brains son(!)) to rescue the rescuers... or am I just too close to my own plot to see that mine is just as crap? No, I think mine would work better. I'd even have consulted Gerry Anderson about it, making sure that it was at least fairly true to the series... something the film people didn't do (though they were willing to pay him to promote the movie - notice how little he says about it in interviews, preferring to talk about his New Captain Scarlet!) Just don't let Commander Ryker direct a Harry Potter movie!!!

As I said, I hope to spend some time knocking this into a much more detailed storyline or even a short novella - wish me luck! And you should see what I would have done for the Judge Dredd movie... and the Doctor Who Movie (please let the new series rule!)

Posted by Badgers at 10:38 PM | Comments (0)

March 28, 2004

Cars

I love cars. Don't get me wrong, I do - I have one myself, and I watch Top Gear. But what is it with all these pumped up cars with extra bits stuck on? Most are only called 'evo' cars as they are held together by Evo-stick glue!

Most of these cars look silly - I play Need or Speed Underground, and have a very nice Peugeot 206 in the same colour as my own, and I realise that it looks silly with all that stuff on it, but it's a game. In reality it often looks silly. Most of the cars we see on the road have bodywork mesh stuck in odd places to fill holes in the skirts that scrape on every bump in the road. A fashion that seems to have caught on is a huge spoiler made out of Mecanno bolted onto the boot. Often unpainted. Admit it, no matter how loud your stereo is, they look crap. And your music sucks anyway. And what is it with the little 'air-intake' things on the roof of some fashy cars - where does the air go? Whats up with that?!?!

A couple of weeks ago I saw a truly cool car over in Clitheroe - the bodywork was wood. For real! Judging by the way it turned the corner, it was based on a 2CV chassis (and probably worth more than the original car!). And no spoiler!!!

Posted by Badgers at 09:56 AM | Comments (0)

March 08, 2004

Lucasarts Sucks!

"LucasArts has decided to stop production on Sam & Max

After careful evaluation of current market place realities and underlying economic considerations, we've decided that this was not the appropriate time to launch a graphic adventure on the PC" says Mike Nelson, Acting General Manager and VP of Finance and Operations. There is currently no plan to reduce staff.

With these words, on the 3rd March 2004, the world learned that the company that made its reputation on classic adventure games (yes, in those days, there were no non-stop and dreary Star Wars games coming off the conveyor belt!!!). A similar release appeared last year to announce that production had stopped on Full Throttle 2, though that had its problems and was not really the sequel the fans wanted...

Sam and Max - the classic - has been a favourite game of many an adventure fan, and the idea of a sequel, in 3D, which was apparently coming along fine, made the new game one of the most awaited games in ages (making Far Cry, Half Life 2 and Doom 3 seem like other games that are long awaited). The humour would be there, the quality would be, and yet, despite its advanced state (apparently it was well on it's way) it is cancelled as the market wasn't ready for an graphic adventure.

What the hell was Broken Sword 3? Not the greatest game, but it sold well. Knights Of The Old Republic? A great puzzle game obviously... But then, the last one was kind of a Star Wars game, wasn't it? I think I have the plan that Lucasarts are going to be working to in the future. After all, the last Indiana Jones game sucked, so I don't think there'll be many of those coming along. Star Wars games, on the other hand, can be crap and still sell. They have the magic words in the titles... Admittedly, I enjoyed Jedi Academy (especially when I turned dark and ripped Kyle Katarn a new one), and I'm enjoying the openess of Galaxies, but somehow I have a feeling that they are rushing games out a little quickly - Armed & Dangerous is fun, but I agree that a little more polishing (and releasing it after Christmas) would have made it much better. As would a multiplayer option.

Maybe it's a Lucasfilm thing - after all, look at what Lucas did to Star Wars (and I'm not talking about The Phantom Menace!) in making Greedo fire first (a tough bounty hunter missing at point blank range! Yeah, right! And if Han was not going to shoot him, why did he have the gun under the table already?) Perhaps Episode III will suddenly be cancelled as it wil not be financially viable to release a film in the current market... well, obviously not - it has Star Wars in the title..

My solution - not to buy another Lucasarse (oops!) game until Sam & Max- Freelance Police is released! I will still play them though... they just won't get any money from me...

Of course, the only thing that could be worse than this news is the possibility that Michael Grade wants to be the head guy at the BBC again, and Doctor Who might just find itself cancelled again... (Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!)

Posted by Badgers at 09:37 PM | Comments (1)

March 06, 2004

Relationship Advice From My 'Best Mate'

I'll be the first to admit that my relationships have seldom been deep, or worked out well - either they meet someone better (not hard to manage!), vanish after a friend dies, or get dragged off by a bloke from Blackburn (when the girl in question was looking for someone from Burnley and was buying me lunches, etc, but that is sooo another story!). Nowadays I am content to live my life, giving most of my money away to either my parents or eBay (!), and for me the night out is, as it was last weekend, a chance to have fun, imbibe alcohol and not seriously go hunting beaver. Or any wild animal. Or domesticated. If you know what I mean (and I'm sure you do.)

Of course, not everyone is quite so happy in their lot, and a certain married person is one of them. By the end of the night he was heading into melancholia and trying to drag me with him... luckily, I am a happy drunk, and one who usually keeps most of his faculties fairly intact. I can usually stop myself from singing along to Summer Of '69 while debating serious philosophical points as "You're my best mate", "You're the man" and whether the floor is level. And getting relationship advice at that point in the evening/morning/whatever can be an interesting excercise. He knew me, apparently. He knew what I was like. My life was simple. I would never know all he had lost, etc. Go out there. Go on. Go on. Go on go on go on go on, etc... His advice seemed to consist of me going out there and grabbing a girl with both hands. Like Nick. Except I think I'll stick to the living, though, if I can be bothered. Less chance of my skull being broken open and my brain eaten. Nick should be safe there, though.

I'm happy with my simple, uncomplicated life. Marriage no longer grabs me as a goal to aim for. I do not feel the need to continue my line (there are far too many of my family around the world as it is!), and kids are not something I want - though I'll admit to becoming a little broody occasionally... It is Spring, after all! Currently my money is mine (well, apart from the stuff that goes to pay bills for parents, etc but thats just my exheritance!). I can atch what I want, play what I want, listen to Ayumi Hamasaki and collect old computers and consoles. What more could I want? I don't even have to clean out my car! Bliss!

(Note - If I ever do get involved with someone and get all the above things - possibly not a too unlikely, if distasteful, possibility - be sure to point this little rant out to me, okay?)

Posted by Badgers at 01:45 PM | Comments (0)

Physiotherapy Is A Jip!

As you will have read in my latest blog, I am now free of physio for the foreseeable. But there are a few points that are worth raising (apart from the fact that Catherine was very lovely and didn't wrench my foot off much!).

The first point I have touched upon before - the flexibility of time. When someone says that you wil be exercising for two minutes, then go onto another, you believe them. Oddly enough, as I watched the clocks on the walls I noticed that in the early part of the session two minutes closely approximated that, usually. Sometimes, and certainly by the middle of the lesson, two minutes means three. Or more. By the end of the session, two minutes means one. If you are lucky. Of course, some exercises do seem longer than they actually are, but cold follow the second hand on the clocks - thrice round means three minutes.

Another point is Health & Safety. One man in my class had been in physio and fell, and was now in physio for that injury. As well as the old one. Currently, you can't wear outside shoes (as you will damage the floor - only proper trainers, etc) which makes sense. You can't wear socks to walk about as they are slippy on the floor. Again, understandable. No running, sliding, climbing the wall bars, etc - nothing exactly mind-blowing there. The problems is that they then put you (with your gammy leg) on rough surfaces, wobbly boards, very wobbly rubber cushions, benches, etc. Bear in mind that when you start physio, your leg will not be able to bear weight too well, and your balance will be pretty shoddy (mine is after my fall four years ago anyway) and you have a H&S nightmare!

Cushions. Some of the great exercises they have involve cushions - in the early '90s (my last brush with physio and boy did I need it then) had us taking cushions out of their covers and putting them back, and the ever popular trying to rip them apart (yeah right!). But a favourite is using the cushions to walk on by sliding them along the floor. This creates friction and gives movement to your ankle. I understand that. What is really happening is that you are polishing the floors for them! Note the 'wax on, wax off' style movements, and the sliding (that we're not supposed to do, remember?) from one end of the gym to the other. I'm sure I saw the old guy spray the floors before we started this past week!

To be honest, my foot doesn't feel much different (it still aches when it wants to, still locks up, still feels dodgy), though I have developed a few extra muscles in the legs. Hmm. Don't take this rant as a reason not to go though - it will help, but be warned - time is fluid, you will fall over and have the chance to hurt yourself even more, and you may be lucky enough to meet Catherine!

Posted by Badgers at 01:18 PM | Comments (0)

February 12, 2004

Making Movies Out Of Rides

As pirate movies go, Pirates Of The Carribbean was good fun. Now Disney have given us The Haunted Mansion.

Any more attractions they can make movies of? Rock 'n' Roller Coaster starring Aerosmith? Frontierland? The Coral Reef Cafe?

Space Mountain would no doubt be on the list, but which? The US version or the Jules Verne inspired Paris version? And considering the nearest the company has had to a success in the sci-fi genre was The Black Hole, would we wait with baited breath?

Perhaps this is the new thing - perhaps the UK should get into this and stop making slushy Britcoms! Imagine - Nemesis: The Movie! Oblivion! Hex! (and not forgetting the classic Q Here Movie!) And thats just Alton Towers!

There's money to be made somewhere, guys...

Posted by Badgers at 10:28 PM | Comments (0)

Speed Cameras

I've had this on the go for a little while, but today it is topical again after the Daily Mirror's headline this morning.

I don't mind speed cameras. There I've said it. I do mind them being used as money-making machines. If they were all in accident blackspots, I would have no problems with them, but they quite obviously are not. If they were, My street would have them installed as people race up and down it doing 40+. Imagine how many accidents we've had - cars hitting our cars, cars flipped over, people run over... sounds like a blackspot to me!

One that does annoy me is on the way from Rawtenstall to Burnley. It is situated at the end of the 40MPH zone, and just before the 50MPH zone. How many people accelerate when they come into the last stretch to get up to speed? Everyone. Even me. Nick just accelerates anyway, but thats just due to watching too many movies with car chases. In fact, considering his welsh speeding ticket, if he ever gets caught driving along the road to get here (two spped cameras, and both apparently turned on and working this week!) he'll find himself minus licence. In fact, many people can find themselves licenceless (is that a word) easily - remember this story? That happened in more than one county - the number of cameras on roads in Burnley, you can lose it within the space of driving along Eastern Avenue!

One thing I hate is that people suddenly slam their brakes on and slow down to 20 or less in a 30 zone. This is sooo dangerous (see my blog entries for the past year and see a numberof mentions of fools slowing down like this!) and causes as many problems as it solves. As does driving 10 miles an hour too slow, which while it sounds good, isn't.

Are the cameras there to make money? Top Gear showed that, no, they are not. There are an easy way to make money, and no doubt this buggers up what I would like to see happen...

Y'see, driving along the bypass to Barrowford, there is a big sign. if you go under 50 it is just grey and blank. If you go over, it flashes up "SLOW DOWN! YOU ARE GOING TOO FAST!". The sign seems to work - people slow down on seeing it and it is almost a reward not to have it come on. It works on guilt. And it works. And of course the boy racers can use it to show off that their Vauxhall Corsas can go over 50mph. But it doesn't actually bring in money. I have a solution, though, if the police can stomach it. Advertising. Have an advert on the board, so it starts to pay for itself - but if a speeder comes along, up it pops. "SLOW THE HELL DOWN, FOOL!" Non-confrontational, and effective.

Not that it will happen.

I'd also like more 'countdown markers' on our roads - especially when you come from a fast road to a 30 zone - giving 300 yards or so to slow down comfortably. Again, not likely, though at least these are already out there and quite common.

Just a thought, is all.

PS - When driving to Northwich in Cheshire I was stunned to see something I had never seen before - a 60mph sign! I may be back there in April and may add a picture for posterity!

Posted by Badgers at 07:56 PM | Comments (0)

January 08, 2004

Enterprise Theme Tune. OMFG!

Okay, I admit, it took a while to get used to the theme to Enterprise. While the song, Faith Of The Heart, isn't bad at all, and the version by Russel Watson is good, the horror of the song being used as the uplifting opening to the latest official entry into the Star Trek franchise took some getting over. It was used in Patch Adams, for frell's sake! But I managed it. I agree that it sounds right looking at the images that run along with it (which are equally uplifting). I grew to like it. Well, a bit - it's better than the dull version of Archer's Theme that plays at the end credits! That soooo needs beefing up!

Then I heard that it had changed in the US as the show was now Star Trek: Enterprise at last. And I heard it was bad. The show itself seems to be crawling towards respectability,but it has a long way to go - how could Smallville have gone from gayest show on TV this side of Queer Eye For The Straight Guy to something at the lower end of Buffy's quality spectrum within the first series, and gotten better from then on (and has a song for the title theme), yet Enterprise struggles on trying not to be Voyager (nothing to rival Voyager's Year Of Hell yet, though), or anything else, for that matter, I just don't know. But Star Trek series usually take till the third series to get going right? Look at TNG and DS9 - even Voyager got going (but that was probably due to Seven of Nine and the decision not to bugger with Janeway's hair as much!). And with the new Xindi story arc and an apparent beefing up of the series into something a little harder, this could be the year the show starts to kick ass as much as the design of the NX-01 does.

Then the newly mixed title theme comes on. Its saying something that even those who hated the original version have pleaded with Paramount to get them to change it back! The tune is now light and feathery - the vocal track is the same, but the music makes it suitable for a nice sitcom about a guy who is gay living with a girl who is gay with their straight friends across the hall popping over to have coffee. The end theme is a relief as it is still the weak version of Archer's Theme. I thought they might have beefed that up a little, but compared to the credit theme its a breath of fresh air. When they beefed up the titles to DS9 it worked - i find it hard to listen to the version without the synth beat behind (not to mention the distinct lack of ships anywhere near the station - Babylon 5 sooo go the busness of such a station right, as does the fan-produced Star Trek: Hidden Frontier). In fact, Hidden Frontier is a Star Trek that has moved with the times - gay characters (sorry James), a part station/part ship-based series, an interesting premise, and the theme that is so Star Trek it hurts because it isn't - the New Galaxy Quest theme! I dare you to watch that film and not get that 'mmmmmmm' feeling every time the theme rises up! Hmm - if they had to rip a theme from elsewhere, why not appropriate the theme to Battle Beyond The Stars? Classic James Horner (in fact, every soundtrack he has done since sounds very like this, especially his Star Trek stuff!) Now that would fit Enterprise... or how about a version of the theme from Barbarella? Or even Jane Fonda as a captain... heheh... but I'm going off the point again!

Still, the music is possibly one of the reasons the series is getting low ratings... you need to draw them in, not make them flee in terror! Lets take a brief but illuminating trawl through music on TV shows, shall we?

Star Trek, TNG, DS9, Voyager - All good, all classic. Voyager has a great theme and a title sequence that made you wish the show was better.

Blakes 7 - What can I say - dodgy titles aside , the theme, especially the fiirst three seasons, just rocks.

Babylon 5 - Four seasons of top themes, all based on the same theme up to a point, but each season had a different identity. Many don't like the 5th seson theme, but it fits the season well.

Farscape - Like B5 above, a different theme each season - and no doubt a new one for the mini series - draws you in, you get used to it and bingo - you watch. Admittedly, not enough watched at the end, but it was made for the fans - a mistake, but it means your core audience is happy and gets what it wants and you don't need to go bland to appeal to as many people as possible (sorry to Enterprise, Voyager, and more modern shows than I have space on my site to mention!)

Doctor Who - The original is a classic, the Tom Baker era the best, thugh things trailed off rapidly - not that Peter Howell's theme was bad, it was just too much. And the McCoy era had its problems until his second season storywise, but it was saddled with terrible music and a horrible title sequence. The movie had the best orchestral version, but it still fails to gel with me... maybe the last theme was the true arch enemy, rather than The Master or Michael Grade...

The A-Team, Knight Rider, Airwolf, Battlestar Galactica, Hill Street Blues etc - What was it about the 80's that brought us good title sequences and such classic tunes? all the above are fantastic and drew you in with the images and music (Enterprise has the images alone as you have pressed mute when they start!) - even little shows and sitcoms had good memorable themes... Hart To Hart (surely on for a remake soon!) is superb! Of course, not all 80's themes were good...

Star Cops - A superb series - realistic in a way few series ever had been - about police based on a moonbase. Nothing earth shattering, but it definitely deserved more episodes than it got - great cast, strong stories - probably ahead of it's time. Its time being 1987. The thing that buggered the series up, apart from a stupid timeslot that saw it starting before another show ended and ending when others had started, was the theme. Sung by Justin Hayward, It Won't Be Easy was just wrong. I know I can write a better song (go here to check out Romantic Night, a song fairly contempory with this, what I wrote and used in the otherwise horrid I.T. tale Attack Of The 50ft Idol Singers! Truly a show scuppered by the theme tune!

It is possible to do this - many people try to forget ALF, but they can still hum the tune...

Remember - draw the people in with your music (see my I.T. animation(s) - using music from The Day The Earth Stood Still sooo works!). And make sure it manges to reflect the show it is attached to - the first version of the Enterprise theme worked up to a point, but the new one just doesn't fit with the image of Archer beating seven shades of latex forehead off a prisoner... sort it guys... or else!

Gah - this was only supposed to be a little rant!

Oh, and George, a note for the newly fiddled (yes again) DVD editions of the Original Trilogy - HAN FIRED FIRST!!!!!!

Posted by Badgers at 08:50 PM | Comments (0)

NOT IN MY BACKYARD!!!

Sigh. I may be slightly biased on this subject, but what is wrong with people who don't want us to build wind turbines and other green power options? I know there are many people who don't want the things sticking out on Saddleworth Moor here in the UK. I agree that it is a nice view and all that, but what about our views here in Burnley? While I would object to them being placed on Pendle Hill (not that it would work there anyway as the wind would in fact blow them clean over!). Here in Burnley you can look to the north east (if I remember correctly!) and see a large wind farm on the hills. They are even part of the directions to the toilet on the crag, and as you go further along the road towards Blackshawhead you can see another big one in Yorkshire! They don't look horrible - in fact, they are quite scenic! Gently turning in the breeze (sure it's not always windy, but up on the moors in Lancashire/Yorkshire it is always windy!) they look nice - I feel happy that they are there providing power and that the eco-horror that was Padiham Power Station was demolished!

The same argument for the proposed off-shore turbines (much bigger I admit)... I'd like to look out from Southport or Blackpool and see them turning in the sun. They could even be strung with lights and be a part of the illuminations! Everyone agrees that we need cleaner power, and more nuclear/coal/gas stations are not the answer. Nuclear because the generation of the power may be clean, but the crap that is left to be disposed of is far from that. Coal and gas for obvious reasons. Stations that burn garbage are a good idea for getting rid of the trash, but still shove the dreaded greenhouse gases into the atmosphere.

Personally, I think wind turbines and the like are a good use of the countryside - we all know that agriculture is going out the window (even growing rapeseed is going downhill) so something needs to be done. It's not as if we are talking mobile phone masts! They may cause harmful effects, but no doubt the people protesting on the news today include a fair percentage with mobile phones (!). Power lines have definite harmful effects (try living under one for a while) and people don't complain and pull them down... not that it would be easy!

Perhaps it is time for my favourite (if devastating) solution to these problems... I havn't mentioned it here before, buit this may be a place to start! Basically, allow fox hunting until they are all dead, whales and dolphons too. Chop down the trees. All of them. Burn them, make them into paper, whatever. Be like the US and totally ignore the Kyoto agreement, build more power stations that belch crap into the air (what will be left of it when the trees are gone). Pull down unsightly turbines, power lines and those nasty phone masts. You'd better stop people using wi-fi and bluetooth devices as well. If possible, everyone should be able to take up smoking so as to prove there are no bad effects (like cancer, death, etc), though with no air, this might be a bit of a bugger. Sunbathing in the blazing hot sun (aided by the radition let in by the now non-existent ozone layer) should be compulsory. Course, with no power apart from the few buildings round the power stations, we will need something else to do - after we've eaten all the fish in the sea, and we can't even eat fox baked in ale as they are all hunted to death, no electric lights, smog and a lack of breath due to the lack of air, we wouldn't be able to call anyone on our mobile phones... And we wouldn't be able to see that nice scenery, especially as there are no giant wind turbines to blow away the fog that is the only thing that is stopping us from frying in the sun (though the radiation is still cooking us from the inside anyway). It could be worse, though - we could be French.

I get the feeling that we are a long way from the point I started at, but that's the sign of a good Rant! Enjoy!

Posted by Badgers at 08:05 PM | Comments (0)

December 31, 2003

TV Is Getting Worse

I think this past year has seen TV get worse and worse. From the debacle of Big Brother to the new strain of quizzes and challenge shows, we are entering Hell.

I mean, we were okay when we laughed along with Clive James at those wacky Japanese and Endurance, but such shows are now rapidly becoming the norm over here. Even the Germans are getting into it (I blame it on the Dutch!)...

The US gets it off to a roaring start with Fear Factor, a kind of mental Fort Boyard with car crashes, and gave us The Chair (which in it's US incarnation, at least at first, gave us treats such as the poor contestant sitting in the chair trying not to crap himself while an alligator is suspended just above his face. And he still has to answer questions. Oddly enough, the UK version got rid off the alligator, but added John McEnroe. Still not quite as scary as facing Anne Robinson on The Weakest Link, though...

But recently we have moved nearer to the End of Days thanks to shows like Little Monsters on Sky One and Distraction. The former has a bunch of kids who are in serious need of a kick up the arse terrorising adults by putting them through hell in games such as carrying rubber ducks while being shot in tender parts by the kids wielding paintball guns. And what are they there to win? One thousand pounds. A grand. Its not worth it, but it shows the level some people will go to just to get on TV. Imagine the horror of having to become Jade Goody to be a celebrity. It's like the poor sap I mentioned in a recent blog entry that obviuosly only decided to become a property developer so he could be on Property Ladder and meet Sarah Beeney. At least I would have some idea of that it means to be a developer, though I must admit the idea of meeting her is tempting!

Back to the plot here! Distraction takes the point I mentioned above and makes it into a virtue. The contestants have to do things like answer questions, okay? Some rounds mean that a wrong answer gets them shot with that paintball gun again in the most sensitive areas. Other timnes getting the answer right may mean sticking a live maggot in your mouth - the ultimate winner being the one with the most maggots (not the highest number of right answers as they may have swallowed or spat it out!). Finally when they get to to last bit, they have wone a nice car. They then have to answer five questions - a wrong answer gets part of the car smashed, slasher or scratched.

What is wrong with these people? Are they mad? couldn't they get into the audience for Graham Norton or Trisha? Why do we have to have the british equivalent of trailer trash? And why the hell do they have to be on my TV?

Of course, the rot is not just in reality and quizes - drama etc has been getting worse for years (check most of ITV's output - lowest common denominator or what?) Run in horror from what is happening to Andromeda or The New Kevin Sorbo Show as it should be known... quake in fear at the thought that Mutant X is in it's third series and likely to make a fourth... Wonder how it can be that Star Trek: Enterprise is actually becoming decent, and that Smallville has gone from being crap to pretty stunning. Is it because these shows are getting better? (Yes in Smallville's case, but the jury is still out on Enterprise). The apparent quality of these shows may simply be due to them rising a little above the background crap...

Do you know what kids are being given now? Boobahs. Like some horrible science lab experiment using DNA from Tellytubbies and Flimbles. Okay, they are for little kids (very little kids!) but so is Balamory for frell's sake, and I'm hooked on that (and not just 'cos I think Miss Hoolie is cute)! Some intelligence, please! We will never see another Noggin The Nog, and kids today can't keep up with the manic brilliance of Dangermouse - it's too hard to go from the 'durrr' of the modern crop (did I spell that right?) to something that might actually exercise your brain. Even a series like Rentaghost is clever compared to adult stuff like My Hero...

Roll on 2005, when Doctor Who is back... or hang around to see who gets to show the Farscape miniseries now shooting in Austrailia, assuming anyone has the intelligence to follow the plots that is!!!

Posted by Badgers at 02:41 PM | Comments (0)

December 12, 2003

Christmas Singles and Cover Versions

Sigh. Here we go again with the usual crop of singles aiming to grab the number one spot for Christmas - Cliff goes head to head with novelty songs and pop idols, etc... At the moment The Darkness (sooo not James' fave band at the moment!) are the favourites with Christmas Time (Don't Let the Bells End) which I must confess is my fave as I feel it is as close to being this year's answer to Slade's classic! Another favourite (though with no chance) is Bill Nighy with the song his character sings in Love Actually - a horribly mangled Christmas-themed version of Love is All Around Me (can you guess the name of the single yet?) - a cynical (in the movie) track aimed to keep Blue from the top spot - if only this was true considering what they have done to poor Stevie Wonder... more on that later on!

James thinks it should be Bo Selecta - Hmmm. To be honest, if it isn't the Darkness, it will be The Pop Idol finalists with their (surprisingly not absolutely terrible... but close) version Of Merry Christmas (War Is Over) as Robin Gibb with Ashley from Fame Academy have little chance...especially as I've barely heard it on the radio. At least it frees us from last year with Popstars 'winners' One True Voice (really? Which voice?) and Girls Aloud battling for pop supremacy and the chance to be remembered for a week or so for a short while (more on this later, too!). Cliff still has a chance, though Santa's List is too much like the last few Christmas singles (besides the obvious Message with a big 'M') to stand out - is certainly doesn't seem to be a Mistletoe and Wine... (shudder!)

And have you noticed the numbers of covers out lately? has this year been a record year or what? Even discounting Atomic Kitten's assault on karaoke (how come there is only one cover (Ladies Night) on the new album? every song they have released this year has been a cover or at least had an ELO song laying in the background...!). The big Christmas albums (Pop Idols Christmas Factor and Fame Academy Bee Gees) are of course full of covers. The Bee Gees covers are pretty bad (considering last year's album wasn't too bad), and the Pop Idols one is not too terrible (though you can't go that far wrong singing songs like Rocking Around The Christmas Tree!) though it has a couple of duds in my opinion... well, two that really stand out from the rest! Susanne hasn't got the voice or sexyness to make Santa Baby work (she's no Eartha Kitt, but who is?), and Marc D's version of Last Christmas is so anemic it makes mine sound good! :rofl Compare it to another George Michael karaoke classic I'm You Man by Shane Ritchie, released for Children In Need this year - that has the power and isn't just someone trying to be George... The level of horror Last Christmas creates is in fact close to that I feel watching Westlife singing Mandy... C'mon guys, even Barry Manilow put more feeling into it than you lot! To get an idea of the revulsion, imagine someone who is a devoted fan of the old Battlestar Galactica watching the new version... Still, Popstars last year came up with the worst - Girls Aloud singing a terrible original song, but the boys in One True Voice totally murdering a decent if not special Bee Gees song last year (the abomination that was Sacred Trust is no doubt the reason Fame Academy chose to do the Bee Gees special this year, to show they could be worse - oops!)

If they always turn out bad, why do they still do them? Is it possible to outdo Tony Christie's original Amarillo? Do we need another version of American Pie? How are Atomic Kitten still selling singles in the face of Destiny's Child, and the Sugababes? Why oh why did Stevie Wonder agree to sing with Blue? Even Will Young and Gareth seem to have moved away from covers (and both are doing far the better for doing so!) Even Girls Aloud are stil covering with their massacre of Jump! The answer is simple - its easy money! Sure, you have to pay to get the song, but then you have a song that was a hit then and will be again, especially if you get the pop muppet du jour to sing it...

Of course, some covers are good - they are few and far between. No doubt your choice of which is which is not mine (people are buying Atomic Kitten singles after all, and no doubt Will and Gareth's mangled version of Long And Winding Road hits the spot for some of you!). If you want an example, try Michael McDonald's Motown Album - all covers, all brlliant! And of course there is Gary Jules haunting version of Mad World... My favourite cover of Last Christmas, in fact, is taken from a Sailor Moon Christmas album and includes lines like 'Last Clistmas I gave you my heart' in fluent 'Japlish'...... Really! I may be alone in loving this, though!

One last interesting cover fact - Years ago a group called Undercover did an album and intended to realease nothing but covers - the did a good version of Never Let Her Slip Away, a decent enough Baker Street, and a slighty dodgy piano-less The Way It Is, before vanishing. Not a way to keep a career going, perhaps..

Ah - there you go - a nicely unstructured rant! Merry Christmas (Rant Is Over!)

or:

Merry Christmas (Don't Let The Drinks End!)

Posted by Badgers at 02:35 PM | Comments (2)

November 14, 2003

Jehova's Witnesses (And Other Religious Annoyances)

I don't want to sound negative towards religion, but what is it with Jehova's Witnesses? They come to the door to convert you - that I can accept, but you can be walking along and suddenly the person beside you asks if you want to take one of their pamphlets/leaflets - do they have them on their person at all times, just in case? This has happened a number of times over the years, the latest being Wednesday this week. Being a Fortean (follower of the works of Charles Fort) and a kind of Techno-Shinto-Wiccan, My views are likely to be totally opposite to those of most churches (no God, no Heaven and Hell, probably, etc) so what happens when they come calling? I'll tell you - as this happened a year of two ago.

I was alone at home when the knock came at the door, and I opened it to two very tidy and nice suited men. They asked me about my religious views, etc, and I explained mine in simple terms they could understand. And blow me, if the views of their church are along the same lines! S'yeah, right. I give blood when I'm well enough, so that kinda buggers up one of the most fundemental bits for them, doesn't it?

The best religious moment for me was a few years ago in Manchester when two fellas came up and asked me if I went to church. One was obviously a University student, but the other had a monobrow and a forehead that kept his face dry in the rain. They were reaching for their pamphlets when I announced that "...actually, I'm a Wiccan..." and reached to produce a book on the subject that I had just bought... They made hurried goodbyes and ran away, leaving me to smile in an evil way.

Usually they tend to stay away from me, but occasionally they risk it. I don't know why!

Oh - if you want to know my belief, huh? Well, I believe there is one higher force of some kind that binds us together and makes us what we are. Without it we wouldn't exist as more than atoms drifting through space. It is not understood yet, and probably quantum.

No, muppets, not The Force(tm) - gravity!

Its a close to an ineffible power as we'll ever get!

Posted by Badgers at 05:50 PM | Comments (3)

October 03, 2003

He's Back... Almost!

So, officially, Doctor Who will be back in 2005. On Saturdays. And written by Russell T Davies. Good thing or bad thing? Discuss.

Okay, overall I think it is a good thing! The rights have finally returned to the BBC so they are now free to do something. The question is, how will it be done? Will it take the route of continuing with the continuity of the older series? Will it be the Eighth Doctor (Paul McGann), the Ninth (Rowan Atkinson (Curse of Fatal Death) or Richard E Grant (BBCi internet story, for the anniversary), or someone entirely new?) or even a Tenth Doctor? Will Tom Baker return? Will it be a new start altogether to get rid of all that baggage?

At the moment, we know little - Davies is a great fan, but is a fan the best person to give the series to? A series of six episodes seems likely at 50 minutes each, but will this mean multi-episode stories or self contained tales? I'd love it to continue from where it left off, but could it do so and pull in the viewers needed to keep it on air? Even though the TV Movie pulled in enough viewers to make it work over here, the BBC couldn't go ahead as it did far worse in the US for various reasons. It will need to beat the ratings received by series such as Strange, Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased) and the recent (very boring) series of Jonathan Creek. In an early evening slot, it couldn't be as viscerial as it was even at the end of McCoy's run (something like Ghostlight or Survival on at 6pm nowadays?!?) and so would be watered down, but even so the ratings need to be there if it is to survive more than a single series. And I'm sure that the BBC will want it to run longer than that. But still they won't want to alienate that core of fandom that will watch whatever happens. Hmm - a tall order, then.

My idea (and one shared by Mark Gatiss, someone who might make a good Doctor after his appearance in Web of Caves) would be to start from scratch. Yes, the Time Lords and Daleks and Cybermen would still appear, but without the baggage of the earlier series. Remember my earlier rant about re-visioning older series (and buggering them up)? I must admit, this is similar, but probably necessary (apart from the 'buggering up' bit!). The idea that the audience know that pepperpot-shaped thing is a dalek, and quite dangerous (not least because it actually hovers and can get up stairs!) but the Doctor doesn't... mmmmm! Of course, they should never be the spider-daleks. Not ever.

My plan therefore would be to start from scratch at Totters Lane, and with someone not young (!), and go from there. Retell old tales if they must, but in exciting, more modern ways. Perhaps regenerate every series? One thing I know is that another 26-year run is not likely! Considering the performance of those series mentioned above recently, a run of two short seasons should be considered a success! One thing we do know is that Davies feels the stories will be largely Earth-based, probably to keep costs down, and because we know he is more interested in that than outer space stuff. But as other writers will be coming into it (at least from the second season onwards). In fact, the cost cutting, if the right deal can be cut with Terry Nation's estate, would pretty much ensure the return of the Daleks, Cybermen, etc... I hope! I have a feeling the series will carry on from where it eft off, one way or another. We shall see.

Casting is a difficult one. Many want the return of McGann (even if only for a regeneration though as it wouldn't be for long on screen it might turn into a Colin Baker-style regeneration :wink), and Grant is unlikely to return to the Doctor after the webcast in November as he is quite busy (The Scarlet Pimpernel fitted into a slot he had, hence none since). Alan Davies is being touted, and in a radio interview this week Tom Baker said that Eddie Izzard was cast in the role already (he's already been touted and would make an interesting Doctor... really! If it's true, I'm cool with Eddie!), and he may say something different in his interview this afternoon on Radio 2 (I'll update with anything when I hear it tonight). At this point, I doubt that any real thought has been made into the casting - the show itself must come first, then casting begins - it's waaay too early to say (insert person you want to play the Doctor here) is going to star. Make it a show that might have broad family appeal, rather than just 'anorak' appeal, first. If they cast someone early, the show will be tailored to fit them. If it grows to fit the person over time (as it did with Tom) then so much the better.

So, it's wait-and-see for the moment, but as you can expect, in all the excitement, speculation is rife. After all, what do you think this little piece is? Apart from a fairly random opinionated rant?

The point? He's coming back! And it really is about bloody time!

UPDATE: Thanks to a last minute appointment in Rawtenstall (not often you'd hear me say that!), I got to hear Tom on R2 and yes, he says it is Eddie Izzard! No official confirmation yet, though, but at least it isn't Alan (please-cast-me-me-series-which-used-to-be-decent-has-gone-rubbish) Davies!

Posted by Badgers at 03:43 PM | Comments (2)

I'm Amazed I Survived Childhood!

A number of schools are banning conkers, mainly to stop themselves from being sued. Other things are being banned too - leap frog, running in the playground, football... and it is all the fault of the blame culture that is rapidly growing in this country. We may not be quite as bad as America yet, but by gum, we're gonna strive to be better!

Conkers, admittedly, can cause injury - idiots swing them as weapons, rather than to play the game, but while the odd hand injury is possible (but unlikely to be serious) the insurance companies, seeking to reduce risk, quote the danger of eye injury. Apparently, this is even true. Many schools banned leap frog due to injuries, but some are going far further... Some ban football, not due to the injury problem, but due to it being too competitive. It seems the children can't handle losing. Why do I think that the school won't be raising it's exam scores any time soon as they have banned all kinds of testing? Other schools have banned School Sports Days, even for parents. Too much of a risk. Pokemon and Yu-gi-oh cards banned due to injuries (and not just to being beaten up for them!)...

Of course, this is not necessarily the school's fault - the insurance companies are desperate to reduce the risk of a payout, and due to this the shools are having to overreact like this. But ever since the late '80s this overreacting has grown rapidly... It's a wonder that I survived to tell the tale of my younger life! The perils of growing up have to be experienced, surely? If we fit every child with padding and make sure that no harm can come to them, surely the risk to the child is greater? Risk is a part of life, after all. if you know that you will get hurt by doing something, you think twice about doing it - animals learn this way, so do we.

Example scenario: If you cross the road, there is a risk a car will knock you down, but you accept that - you do what you can to minimise that risk yourself by looking to see if it is clear. The only risk-free option is never to cross a road. Even a subway under the road could collapse, after all. The problem is that we may be growing a generation of children who cannot judge risks for themselves - like rabbits, they will see something across the road and just cross, not looking and in doing so become roadkill themselves! An extreme example, perhaps, but true.

Here's another. If there is no real value of risk, what of our laws? Might this lead to people with no sense of risk committing a crime, without thinking of the risk of being caught? It's a thought.

When I was young, I walked on high walls (fell off a few!), ran across roads, etc. Heck, I even played marbles and conkers, but I can still see (I also had a stone that looked exactly like a conker, but never strung it up to cheat - the risk of being found out was too high!). I lived, and a few scratches and scrapes made me a better person today. It seems that current generations don't have this understanding of risk, and it seems that with lawyers, insurance companies and the litigation culture we are gaining, things can only get worse.

If we mollycoddly our children too much, things will go the wrong way - playtime will end, (too much possibility of injury), science lessons (little Johnny might try to mix up something and either burn himself or blow the ceiling off the classroom), even maths (too hard a question might cause a brain haemorage or worse). School trips will go due to the possibility of injury or death or even disapointment. Schools themselves may be changed drastically as everyone finally realises that having them in the open is a bad idea and paedaphiles might just hang around them... heck, even going outside is risky, what with ultraviolet rays and colds and asteroids whizzing past us at every oportunity... it goes on and on. And you know, I think we might get there in britain, long before the Americans.

If I ever have kids, I'll make sure they meet risk full on. It's the only way we will ever learn.

(This was talked about on The Jeremy Vine Show on Radio Two this week, and the stories from people were very worrying... I have used some in the article above...)

Posted by Badgers at 02:59 PM | Comments (3)

July 03, 2003

The 3 'R's - Remakes, Re-inventions and Re-visioning

Its interesting that when things get updated nowadays, they become 're-visioned' or 'reinvented'. Like Spangles. After all, the audience of today doesn't want to see the same show that they watch in their millions in reruns, right?

Okay, so it worked with Star Trek (as, lets face it, ST:TNG had little to do with the original series, did it?), so why not try it again? Hmm - let's look at the evidence... and I don't mean the re-visioning that is Enterprise...

Doctor Who: Lots of good things from Paul McGann to the new TARDIS control room, but WTF - snogging? A motorcycle chase scene? Half-bloody-human? Not the Who we remember, or really want to see... check out Shada over at the BBC Doctor Who site to see it done well... McGann and Lalla Ward deliver Douglas Adams' lines brilliantly.. but oh to have heard Tom Baker doing it! Oops - I'm digressing!

The Invaders: Oh yes, this will be good - take the classic original series, make it into a miniseries but ignore the ideas behind the original, have the eponymous invaders polluting the atmosphere to terraform it for their own race (and breath exhaust fumes from the back of a car while they are at it), and totally throw away Roy Thinnes...

Wild Wild West: Is it any wonder people stayed away from this horrid creature that had so little to do with the classic 60's series?

The Avengers - No no no no NO!

Some successes exist of course... Invasion Of The Body Snatchers (the 1980 version - use the original star, Kevin McCarthy in a brilliant throwaway gag, improve elements of the original, make it really scary - can you forget the ending? Like ever?)... The Fugitive (the movie just took what it needed, ignoring the wandering-round-helping-people stuff, and it had Tommy Lee Jones in it)... The Addams Family (take only a little from the series, then convert the original cartoons by Charles Addams - masterstroke! And they had Christina Ricci in them)... and of course Charlie's Angels (take the idea, make sure Cameron Diaz can be available (!) and make fun of the series in a modern way, while staying pretty faithful to it. Especially the pretty part!)

And so, dear reader, to the point of this little missive... Thunderbirds, Battlestar Galactica and The new V miniseries... all three are being/have been remade.., but at what cost?

Thunderbirds seems to be coming off far worse of the three - this despite directors and producers saying it would be true to the series. With the Tracy family rather, um, young... but then, they did say they were going for the same feeling as Spy Kids... Of course, having Gerry Anderson on board from the start might have been a good idea, rather than just asking him to pose for photos. Apparently there is a teaser that went out with the Hulk previews, and Thunderbirds 1-3 are apparently not too far removed from the original designs, but while FAB-1 looks nice, it not FAB-1. And not just because it isn't a Rolls Royce. I mean, looking at the pictures so far released, I'm sure Lady Penelope would have a far cooler convertable top on it than that seems to have... it looks pretty shabby compared to a 206CC... See images here After years of waiting, this looks like it will wreck everything... I wish I'd completed my script from a few years ago (never to be sent off, of course) which acts as an updated prequel to the series... as this is supposed to... kinda like Enterprise, I suppose.

Battlestar Galactica on the other hand, seems to be getting a better chance, but some of the changes may disturb die-hard fans... though the Vipers look absolutely right - even James will like them! Okay, I can live with the fact that Starbuck is a woman (somehow a sassy woman with Starbuck's attitude seems right for today - though I have a feeling we will not be so lucky to find a character like Stargate SG-1's Major Carter), and the casting of Edward James Olmos as Adama is fine. I'm not too worried that the Cylons are going to look different (to be expected) or even that some look human (there is a plot reason, however shaky). But it won't be Battlestar Galactica (and not just 'cos the Battlestars are also redesigned). It's a shame that Richard Hatch's planned remake never saw the light of day, as that was a true continuation of the first series. The jury is out, though I hope for some superb FX... Check the offical site here

Finally, lets see about V. Kenneth Johnson is involved. Note how his 'limited' involvement in V - The Series meant that it sucked, while his work on Alien Nation and the sequel TV-movies meant that they didn't. Note original cast members. Note continuation. Shame it is only planned to be 3 hours long - surely a 10-part series a la Taken or Band Of Brothers would do it more justice... ah, but then we might get another little girl popping up with the power to save the world... we shall see. I fear this might be so good that it will drop into production hell, so don't get your hopes too high.

Of course, other series are coming up or (thankfully) in production hell... Quantum Leap is on hold for more than just the reason that Scott Bakula is on Enterprise (the script and plan sounded crap, and no involvment from Donald Bellisario!!! After what happened to Airwolf's final Canada-based season! Blasphemy!), The Prisoner (how likely is it that it will happen? I don't know, but Patrick McGoohan is more than a little involved...perhaps too involved, considering the last episode of the series...!)

Y'know, maybe I will finish the Thunderbirds script and get it online, at least as fan fiction... perhaps once I've finished re-visioning and reinventing I.T. for the animations...

Posted by Badgers at 09:05 PM | Comments (3)

June 10, 2003

Rules Of The Road

What an annoying day. Car drivers have been getting to me all day. here are a half-dozen rules I want other drivers to use (around me, at least):

1: When I am turning right into the petrol station, I may block the road for a few seconds while the traffic on the other side gets out of the way. Sitting in a large (fat-ass) truck behind me doesn't mean you can honk your horn 'cos you can't get past me and I can't go due to oncoming cars and motorcycles.

2: Do NOT sit behind me revving your engine at a junction, then try to cut me off and get in front of me in the lane by going to the other side of the road first. I don't take kindly to that. Look at the bumps, idiot - what's a few more? Go ahead punk, make my day... (and he only got away because he then decided to turn left onto the dual carriageway in front of the other cars without signalling. Perhaps he got worried when I gently clutch-controlled into his bumper...)

3: Horns are not for doing that.

4: Yours may be shinier and noisier, and even have a wiggling Elvis in it, but don't expect me to come running when you are deaf. Even though it's my job. 'Cos I won't. (and your choice in music stinks anyway!)

5: Don't start with that road rage crap. I play GTAIII. I will reverse over your ass!

6: Every other driver is an idiot. Including you.

And that's just from today...

Posted by Badgers at 07:14 PM | Comments (2)

May 24, 2003

Do You Speak Micra?

I've been meaning to do this one for a while... of all the car ads, this really gets on my nerves, and not just because I hate the Nissan Micra.

Anyway - this morning The Guardian came with a little book called 'In A Word', which is a neat little guide to curious phrases such as 'mad as a hatter or 'take a rain check'. Then I noticed it was sponsored by Nissan - and part way through has an 'advertisement feature' - a curious phrase itself - on the new Micra. 'Spafe' = spontaneous and yet safe. Okay. 'Smoosive' (OMGWTF?) = smooth and responsive. Then comes the one which actually cracks me up everytime I see it on a billboard while driving... 'simpology'. This apparently means simplicity and technology. Now, being a long-term reader of 2000AD and Judge Dredd, the mere sight of the word 'simp' brings to me a thought that I'm sure Nissan never considered...

Of course, I have a word that fits the new Micra well - 'bugly' - it comes from bug and ugly. I'm not quite sure what they were thinking (probably the same stuff that conjoured up the name 'Nissan' after years of being called 'Datsun' (I have some information on that name change, but it's probably apocryphal - remind me to post it sometime!)). To me the car looks like they took a look at the PT Cruiser from Chrysler (designed by a ZZ Top Fan, for ZZ Top Fans, if you ask me, but a great vehicle) and then saw the silly Peugeot 206 ad with the Indian guy bashing his old car so it looks like a 206 (specifically, my 206!). Then they decided to do the same to the Micra.

Another little thing - a couple of weeks the same paper gave away a DVD containing the full length advert for the Honda Accord (you know, the one with the car parts gently going through a Heath Robinson-type set up), and of course, this being a DVD, they made sure the footage was a Quicktime file. D'oh or what?

Posted by Badgers at 02:44 PM | Comments (0)

May 16, 2003

A Fit of Pique, Perhaps?

Now, I know some people feel that a series like Robot Wars is redneck TV for the Brits, full of robotic carnage designed to keep the feeble minded happy. And I realise that some who say that sit glued to WWE programming in it's heavily edited form on Sky One, because it's a real sport. But that totally ignores the pure excellence of Razer. And the total pile of candyass (BLEEP) that the WWE storylines are, and have been for the past few years...

Of course, the real redneck TV over here is Trisha (basically Jerry Springer with an english accent, but no opera, or even Oprah) and a number of other shows on ITV1 and 2, but that can wait for another Rant!

Back to the point, such as it is! Anyway, apparently, due to losing The Simpsons to Channel 4 (who will probably find a way to edit it and then show it in the middle of the night like Futurama), the people at the top of BBC 2 have decided to rejig the early evening schedule. And Robot Wars is one of the casualties. A show that people actually turned over to watch (when it wasn't dropped due to some really exciting moment in the snooker). I expect The Weakest Link will probably be moving to Five along with Robot Wars and Top Gear (let's face it, Fifth Gear IS Top Gear, a) except not as long or b) not as good, while the new Top Gear is a totally different, if funny series). Not that they have treated it well, recently, preferring to show feeble US clones, then repeating RW Extreme straight after the first run, which with the snooker lead to them having two series (almost 8 months solid) of programming waiting to go out.

I wonder if they thought about the overspill of the decision - all those merchandising royalties the BBC gets from the toys, magazines, etc... even the money they rake in by not producing new Doctor Who (here he goes again!) will not offset that, especially after hearing the plans they have to 'ramp down' the output in the 40th anniversary year... ie this year! And what of Robot Wars sister programme Techno Games? Just as it's going to go international and get bigger, will that end up decamping to Five too? or is two weeks a year of jumping lollipop sticks and swimming bottles* just right for early evening on 2?

Still, Five will be happy to get more viewers earlier in the evening, rather than those who only watch CSI:Whatever, etc. In fact, Five seems to be getting a lot better... maybe they'll wrestle NYPD Blue from Channel 4 and treat it with the respect it deserves, and maybe grab Oz too...

Poor Five - I guess the topless weathergirls will be a thing of the past from now on! Though I can't help feeling that ITV will pick them up soon to raise the intelligence of their output...

PS - I have a great idea for early evenings on BBC2 - a new series about a man who travels through space and time with a couple of companions (one of which must be a cute female to get in the dads), perhaps in a blue box thats bigger on the inside than on the outside? Hello? How about some killer robotic things to scare the kids? And wait till you hear what the title music will be...

*No - I'm not degrading the work that goes into making the entrants - I think it's great to see schools and families working towards the goals of the series... and it's even more fun when things go wrong!

Posted by Badgers at 06:32 PM | Comments (0)

April 04, 2003

Spoons.

Specifically, Marks & Spencer plastic spoons.

A year or two ago, there were nice plastic spoons at M&S, situated by the sandwiches and desserts, but they had a tendancy to snap if put under pressure, say, by a Lemon Cheesecake. This was fine, though, as anyone with sense had a decent metal spoon to eat a M&S Lemon Cheescake, as they are rather solid.

Then, the spoon changes suddenly into a different form - perhaps not as good to eat the Lemon Cheescake with, but far stronger than the last spoon. These spoons had strength and could stand up to the Lemon Cheesecake, but could get a bit messy if cream or something got into the handle part. But despite this little problem, all was well with the world.

Then, while I've been off sick and unable to eat any Lemon Cheescake, the spoons changed again. Into something that is in effect, a teaspoon. Now, plastic teaspoons don't have to be strong, so these are not too bad, if a bit bendy, with a trifle, but fail the Lemon Cheesecake test badly - they can barely scrape the little lemon rind-y bits off the top, never mind stand up to the rigors of being forced through lemon flavoured cottage cheese into solid digestive biscuit at the base!

Just a word to the wise, then - take a decent spoon to eat your Lemon Cheescake from Marks & Spencers. Its a small investment, but it pays great dividends... in othe words, you can eat the bloody Lemon Cheescake!

UPDATE!!! Well, the web is a mighty thing, or somesuch, though this probably had nothing to do with the rant...! Today (8.4.03) I went in and lo and behold, the stronger spoons had made a comeback! The world is safe for Lemon Cheesecake lovers everyehere!

UPDATE 2!!! Sadly, the bendy teaspoons have returned to M&S - it seems the decent ones were just stock clearance! Looks like I'm stuck with the Strawberry Trifles! (23.5.03)

Posted by Badgers at 06:04 PM | Comments (0)

March 18, 2003

And The Rainbow Warrior Was A Valid Threat To World Security?

So, here we go, then. Today Tony Blair did his big thing in the Commons, yesterday Bush told Saddam to bugger off in a couple of days or else duck and cover. France is vetoe-ing any UN resolution, Russia and China are a bit unhappy too (but apparently would change their mind if Saddam Hussein uses any bio or chemical weapons on troops), the UN is about as much use as a chocolate radiator (again). So basically, we're at war by Thursday night.

Now, I'm not pro- or anti-war per se - I realise quite well that Saddam Hussein has done bad stuff, lied, cheated, hidden naughty things under his bed, etc, and really the Middle East would be a better place without him (well, except for the civil war that would start once he leaves power). He must be dealt with. I just wish it didn't have to mean so many innocent lives on both sides (the military and the civilians). I just wish that the French would see that. I heard on the radio that someone is saying that the war will, in fact, all be France's fault. Sadly, I think this is close to the truth. By taking such a hard stance ("excuse-moi, pas a toute resolution!") that even China and Russia didn't want to take, it forces the UN Security Council into a stalemate from which it can't escape, even for diplomatic solutions (remember - Saddam isn't affected in any real way by embargoes - his people are), and so lets the US yell "YEE-HAW!!!" and go charging in with (or without, depending on how the vote in Parliament goes tonight) British forces to help/hold them back.

Of course, the French now say they will change their mind if chemical or biological weapons are used on troops - somehow I doubt if Saddam would use them, as it would turn everyone against him, something he doesn't want. Surely playing the martyr would be his best option, especially after the US have flattened every one of his palaces! But then, who knows? He is currently strutting around banging the drum to get his people roused and ready to fight to the death. Maybe this might not be the quick surgical strike that Afganistan was. Oh yeah, that was a bit messy, and not quite over yet...

What we have to do is involve France. They were happy to bugger up in Vietnam until the US came in to bugger it up even more, and they sank a Greenpeace ship in Australia just in case it managed to somehow do vital damage to, well, nothing at all, didn't they? Is it me, or are the French just itching for a fight they can win? They are great at blocking ferry ports and getting money from the EU and not paying fines for not importing British Beef (a call for military action if there ever was one!). Maybe its because they haven't actually won many wars. Especially against us. Again, I'm not anti-French - it's a wonderful language, I like French cinema (even those ones without lots of naked women!) and I have met some nice French people. But don't they need to get their heads screwed on right? What danger are Greenpeace and Pacific atols? To the French it seems, they are a threat, and a Middle Eastern Dictator that is currently sticking one finger up at the rest of the world (western and arab) isn't? Maybe they are pissed that its mainly US companies that will clean up on the oil and construction once the dust has settled? Perhaps they could apply to the EU for compensation...

My solution therefore to the problem of Iraq is simple, and needs no military intervention at all from any country. It will still involve an ultimatum of some sort, but it's one the French can go for. It relies on their strengths, after all.

First - paralyse the air above Iraq - a few french air traffic controllers should be able to cover this easily - they certainly manage to paralyse the whole of Europe on a regular basis. Next, send a load of French truck drivers down to the arab countries that border Iraq, and let them protest - again, this is always a successful tactic that Europe always gives in to, so Iraq will fall in short measure.

And if they need any more pursuading, you can tell them that once the country has been released from tyrrany the French military can test some more nukes in the middle of all that desert - after all, little atols in the middle of the Pacific are fun to blow up, but imagine the fun they can have turning large swathes of sand into glass?

And of course, if you really do want the French to join the fight, just tell them that Saddam Hussain is a tree-hugging hippy - they'll be in there with special weapons forces in no time...

Posted by Badgers at 05:28 PM | Comments (1)

February 28, 2003

Indicators. Use Them, You Stupid (HOOONK!)

So, there I was, happily heading to Chorley on the M66 and the sign for the junction to join the M61 pops up. We still have a mile to go, so I slow a little and start getting ready to change lane (mirror, signal, maneuver, sort of thing). Now, the big, extremely mucky, truck in front must have been thinking "OH MY GOD!!! THE JUNCTION IS A MILE AWAY!!! AND I DON'T WANT TO GO TO CHORLEY!!! AAAIIEEEEEE!!!!!". Probably in blue crayon.

You can see what was going to happen, can't you?

The truck suddenly lurched from the outside lane into the middle lane where I was - almost literally! No indication, no brakes to warn me, just SCREEE!!!!

I'm so glad the runs stopped earlier this week, or else I would have been in quite a mess, so to speak! And I thank the Goddess that the brakes on Camille were pretty good so I didn't lock them and skid straight into the back of him.

Still, it's not the first time - I've had buses suddenly take a fancy to my space and try to take it forcefully (oddly enough, none of them driven by James, but...) I hate cars that do this too - often VW Golfs, but even the drivers of little cars seem willing to take their lives and those of the people around them for a spin into the tunnel of terror (especially those driven by older people - sorry if it sounds bad, but it's true - having seen a little car turn slowly round a corner in Haslingden when a big truck was already turning that way, then pootle slowly to a stop by the railings at the side of the road while the truck has to slam on it's brakes does give you some small idea of the fleetingness of life!)

So I have just one thing (well two things) to say - WATCH WHERE YOU ARE GOING AND PAY ATTENTION. AND USE YOUR BLOODY INDICATORS!!! Because *I* don't always stop...

Posted by Badgers at 05:04 PM | Comments (3)

February 22, 2003

Bloody Computers.

'Nuff said, I think.

Posted by Badgers at 09:03 PM | Comments (0)

February 19, 2003

Same Cast, Same Show?

OMG. Why is it TV always uses the same actors for shows? Its like a return to the studio system in Hollywood in the early part of last century. ITV is a pain in the bum (wall to wall Ross Kemp as a grumpy bugger in lots of rubbish shows, or the late John Thaw in as much as possible), and the BBC is always finding new vehicles for the same people (how many more members of the cast of Eastenders are going to make the jump to prime-time drama via an appearance in Casualty followed by a series of dramas for Sunday nights?) Take Down To Earth as an example (yes, I just saw the trailer before Bargain Hunt)...

So, it WAS a nice (read sickly) family series with Pauline Quirke and Warren Clarke (two BBC stalwarts) moving from the city to the countryside and suffering the trials and tribulations you'd expect. Now the character played by Clarke has died, and she leaves, while Ian Kelsey (Casualty) and Angela Griffin (Holby City) - keeping it in the family or what? - come in to take over, as if nothing happened. They'll do the same to Two Thousand Acres Of Sky too (read DTE on a remote Scottish Island). At least Doctor Who had a reason why the lead changed into someone else! Still, that ran from 1963-89, so, perhaps they are trying to get these shows to do the same. After all, multiple cast changes in ITV's Heartbeat (ohmygoddesspleaseno) and now a spinoff in a hospital haven't alienated viewers that much. With the policeman in love/married to the local doctor. Again. I hear a new revamp is due on that show - perhaps Ross Kemp?

All this gives me the heebie-jeebies when considering the possible return of Doctor Who (how many of my rants will come back to that classic show?). The BBC will obviously want people to watch it. it will have to get lots of viewers - like everyone in Britain, probably, if its to be made as a series again - I wonder who will be playing the lead then? Paul McGann? Nope. Hugh Grant? Too expensive and too big a star. And probably too much like Peter Davidson's character. Rowan Atkinson? So good in Curse Of Fatal Death, but... Mark Gatiss (The League Of Gentlemen)? Probably too good a Doctor on the BBC Doctor Who night a few years ago. Perhaps David Dickinson? Possible - he looks like a Timelord! Personally I'd be putting a bet on a member of the Casualty/Holby City cast (hmm - I could go for George Irving (Anton Meyer) as a new First Doctor (see my idea for the return of the series if I dare put it up) or maybe Simon McCorkindale...) An Eastender might be out of it after Dimensions In Time... They could get David Jason to play the role, I suppose - how he manages to jump channels so often (Only Fools and Horses, A Touch Of Frost, various one-off dramas) I don't know... I guess we'll see when (or, lets face it, *if*) we get a new version in time for the 40th Anniversary! I'm already having nightmares!

Of course, if ITV managed to get it made for them, no doubt it would be Ross bloody Kemp.

Posted by Badgers at 11:19 AM | Comments (0)

February 16, 2003

The (Probable) War On Iraq

The scene: The Oval Office, George W Bush sits in his chair, having just received the second report from the arms inspectors...

Dubya - "MMM, War...."
(Reads report)
Dubya - "D'oh!"
(repeat ad-infinitum, or until he decides to go to war anyway)

(No doubt more to come on this subject!)

Posted by Badgers at 07:24 PM | Comments (1)